After the last hour of the day, I was gathering my notes and my laptop to head home; I saw one of my students trying to catch up with her friends. This was not an easy task considering she had two huge library books and her meticulously arranged notes. Even as she called out trying to straighten her duppata and push back her glasses, they made their way down the stairs completely ignoring her. She dropped back dejectedly as their plans of heading off to City center echoed clearly through the corridors. Looking at the disappointment in her eyes I desperately wanted to help her, coz looking at her was like looking in a mirror. I was reminded of myself at my first year at college. I wasn't much different from her.
I walked upto her and asked her what was wrong. The assessments she said. I was surprised considering she got the highest grade in class. "That's the problem" she countered. I told her that the smart kids are always unpopular because the other kids envy them for being smart. I wasn't being completely honest.
In most colleges, being smart just didn't matter much. It wasn't something that was admired or despised. All other things being equal, they would have preferred to be on the smart side of average rather than the dumb side, but intelligence counted far less than, say, physical appearance, leadership, or athletic ability. I was the one they came to when they had an assignment deadline or a test on the next day. Not someone with whom they made plans for the weekend.
Why don't smart kids make themselves popular? If they're so smart, why don't they figure out how popularity works? Im reminded of the scandalous book " How Ophal Metha went wildand got a life". The answer, is we don't want to be "with the crowd." Im not being completely honest. Saying I don't want to be popular is like saying Popeye hated spinach. Of course I wanted to be popular but what I wanted more was to be intelligent. The well liked ones learn to be popular the same way we learned to be smart. Being popular is no cup of tea. It's a lot of work. Popularity isn't just something you are or you aren't, but something you make yourself.
I explained to her that in future what would help is her being smart. She would get a good job, earn a lot of money and in general be way more happier than them. When the things you do have real effects, it's no longer enough just to be pleasing. It starts to be important to get the right answers, and that's where being smart has an advantage. Because we didn't fit into this world, does not mean something is wrong with us. It means that in some ways we were a step ahead.
She patiently listened to my line of argument and retorted " I don't want to be popular, I just want to be accepted." Well to that I didn't have an answer.
I saw her a few days later with a cool backpack, contact lens and a kurti. She was hanging out with a different crowd. A more somber crowd if I may say. She was laughing at what her friend was saying. She turned towards me and gave a blinding grin and mouthed thank you. . As she walked off I remembered how I had steadfastly held on to my principles refusing to bend. I may have been right but it didn't really help me. Maybe she was right. Being popular didn't matter, not as much as acceptance.
