memoirs of a confirmed cynic

First Love - II

2012-01-16T21:15:00.003+05:30

This year i promise to write more,that is my resolution. at least one post a month minimum.. Senthil pointed out i should complete this story. It is a little abrupt my previous attempt. So i tried to write. But this story cannot end in two chapters.. But here is the next part. So let me know if it is too cinematic.

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Why do I like her so much?" he wondered.. He shuddered as it occurred to him that it really didn‟t seem like just friendship anymore. It was more, more passionate, more emotional, more energizing, more draining… at that moment, he wasn‟t sure it had ever been just friendship between them.

He caught sight of her surrounded by screaming kids, strapping a helmet on her niece teaching her to ride a bicycle. He smiled fondly. She was so methodical with some things. She wore his helmet religiously and nagged him about his when they went out because he hated wearing the helmet. He shook his head but didn't look away. She was a study in contrasts, and the puzzle-like appeal of it was impossible for him to resist. He knew that she could throw a ball, shoot pool, curse or pick a fight as well as any guys he knew. At the same time she could be a kind, caring no nonsense girl who shrieks so loudly at the sight of a tiny cockroach that she often goes supersonic.

As he got closer to her, she looked up, her eyes almost immediately settling on him.
He felt his heart beat hard a couple of times, and he had to draw a breath, because for a second, he was short on air. Then she smiled that half smile of hers, the laugh lines at her eyes and mouth appearing, before she gave a quick wink. She then ducked her head turning her back and continued playing with the kids.

He swallowed hard. That wink had been for him. Crystal-clear revelation struck him like a bolt of summer lightning sizzling through the chill December air. He wanted her with him, wanted her badly. Needed her as a partner, and not just at an intellectual level but at an emotional level. Craved her as as companion more than he'd ever jonesed over getting tendulkar's autograph or that first taste of beer. Connected with her in so many ways that he couldn't see a way to untangle himself and didn't even want to try.

She loved him. He believed it. He had also believed he didn't have it in himself to love her like she deserved. It wasn't her fault. There was so much pain connecting him to the past, a tenuous lingering link to past tragedies, that he had skipped right over the obvious signs. He'd been too busy grappling with letting go of what was gone and wondering if he has any right to grab hold of what was in front of him.

But he wanted to feel that inside him so badly he could barely stay still. It was like this more and more often, feeling like he just couldn‟t breathe without her. But could he just let himself fall freely.. be sure that she would catch him? Did he have it in him to take the risk?.. He needed to think, examine and critically analyse.

Lessons learned

2011-11-07T19:32:00.000+05:30

I’ve often been told that I was born with a book under my nose. I learned to speak when i was one and learned to read when I was five. Books to me were a miracle. Pages to look forward to, new worlds to meet and new friends to make. I relish my books partly because these friends I make rarely judge me.

When I was fourteen I learned that I was fat. A family member pointed out in a family vacation, said I should lose weight as the world was unkind to fat women. With all the naivety of a fourteen year old I declared, no there would be people who respect me for who I am and not what I look like. I learned to diet, I learned to exercise. Of course I learned to cheat too. I also was a victim of maladies which only resulted in me putting on a lot more weight.

Once I turned eighteen, there I was out into the world away from the protected school and home environment, where I learned how miserable people can make you because of how you look. That family member was right; the world is unkind almost to the point of being cruel to fat women.

I’ve learned over the years to cringe away from mirrors in the dressing rooms, glances from men, learned to tense myself be on the defense for the insult coming from the "popular" girl's mouth. I’ve learned to live with comments like "you hardly eat" how do you put on weight? And the concern of well meaning professors who ask if I have thought of aerobics. I learned ways to keep myself invisible. A doer by nature, it is not an easy task. I was the go to girl. If you wanted to run for student council id be your campaign manager. If you want to organize a debate I was the stage manager, if you wanted a last minute write up in the college paper to fill the blanks I was your girl. I always worked behind the scenes trying to keep the spot light away.

I learned how to slip to the back row of a group photograph, how to dress in shades of gray, black and brown. I’ve learned to not let it bother when guys treat me like their bud and most importantly learned how to not let it bother me when people rarely complemented me on how I look.

There are a hundred words which could describe me - smart, talkative, kind, frank etc. But the word a lot of people picked for me was fat. When I turned twenty two I went out into the world, wearing invisible armour fully expecting an array of barbed comments. However I was pleasantly surprised. I got a good job. I was and am respected by my colleagues for my intellect and my ethics. As I listen to problems of abusive mother in laws, workaholic husbands, burden of debts I soon learned that there are worse things than not liking how you look. I learned that there are more terrifying things like losing your mom, your dad, your husband or god forbid your child.

Ultimately I realized the truth - the truth that I'm all right the way I am. I was all right , all along. I will never be thin, but I know I will be happy. I will love myself and my body for what it can do - because it is strong enough to lift, walk, read and most importantly helps another person. All of us look for Prince Charming, but if he never shows up or worse yet comes along takes an appraising glance at me and passes on I will learn to live with that. Because I am worth more than that.

Remember that the next time you think your life has ended because of an unkind word, a breakup or the disregard of people you thought were your friends.

I am...

2011-10-06T14:25:00.004+05:30

Amongst ppl who know and love me I am the "Mami". While the nickname stuck because of my innate nature to be the adult amongst the group of 20 something “adolescents” who I often am forced to "mother” it may also be because I am someone who staunchly believes in Hinduism and openly declares that I am not a secular person. That does not mean I go around building up a Hindutva movement, or declaring other religions are evil.

When discussing other beliefs and practices, I do it with respect. I never put down another’s beliefs, as wrong as I may find it is. At least not in front of them. When I have children I would make sure they understand the similarities and the differences of different religions without getting into big discussions.

As long as I learn to respect the feelings of others and dignify them with their right to follow whatever they believe in, why should I project myself as someone who is tolerant of everything everyone does? I am proud to call myself a Hindu, a part of a way of life which wholeheartedly accepted other religions to co-exist, a concept of which is embraced by every sixth person in the world.

My religion does not condemn you to hell for every wrong doing you do. It does not indicate that one cannot escape hell by being good; as everybody is bad. It does not promote the idea that no matter how hard you strive to live a virtuous life, if you lack certain beliefs, you go to hell like certain other religions do.

For something to be eternal it must have always existed, and must continue to exist in the future. Any religion that has a founder cannot claim to have always existed. There was no Christianity before Jesus and no Islam before Muhammad. Sikhism did not exist before Guru Nanak, nor Confucianism before Confucius.

I have been thinking about fundamentalists’ claims that everyone apart from “true followers of the religion” will go to hell and be eternally tortured. They often try to reconcile this with a good, merciful and loving God by saying “it is written, it is the Law, and God cannot disobey the Law”. Unlike these religions Hinduism does not have a definitive book. There are the Vedas of course, but these are more works of praise to God than Law or rules, and these are supplemented by agamas from each school. It seems to me that if God writes a definitive book that he must follow from that point until eternity then this is limiting his omnipotence. Metaphorically speaking God has created a rock so heavy that he can’t lift it.

I’ve seen people claiming to be atheists, people who are highly skeptical about anything supernatural. My issue with this line of thought is if one has no religious account of how the world functions as a cohesive unit, how is it even remotely possible to satisfy one's need for depth, engagement and serenity in life? As for agnostics I don’t get their philosophy. Seems like the biggest cop out in life. Scientifically speaking they may argue that it’s pretty darn difficult for the "supreme being" to listen to every one of our problems and answer all our prayers. If proof is what you require why don’t you look around you or within you? I am a science person myself. The way a simple cell in your body operates maybe a result of evolution, but most processes require external moderation, a power which ensures that the process proceeds smoothly. To propose the idea that human beings are smart enough to know the workings of the entire universe seems like a huge leap. Just because one cannot understand God does not necessarily mean he isn’t there.

Through the years people try to destroy my faith by promoting our beliefs to be superstitious and non secular. The recent debate on why certain temples ban women from entering their premises is a case in point. Do you question why women are not allowed EVER into mosques? Muslims are allowed to by law practice their prayers in their workplace but we cannot celebrate the time honoured ayutha pooja?

I don’t celebrate Christmas, and I don’t intend to start once I have kids just because I want them to be secular. I’d rather celebrate navarathri and deepavali . If that is being non secular then I don’t really care. It is just ironic that the country adopts the concept that being secular is actually being "anti Hindu", while truly putting down the most accepting faith in the world.

The "Anna" Mania

2011-08-23T11:24:00.000+05:30

I'm sick of the innumerable emails and text messages asking me to join the war against corruption. The reason I’m presented with is "growing awareness". Not so long ago my six year old neighbor asked me if I "paid" off a traffic policeman. That’s the level of awareness that’s already present in this country. While we are all for ending corruption, the stir caused by Anna and gang seems to be unnecessary and makes one wonder if this is a plot for fame and publicity.

The central idea which many ppl don’t see is,

What makes the Lokpal version of Anna and gang the best version?

Yes we all want corruption and the mayhem driving this country to be brought to focus. Why not take suggestions from the NCPRI version? The government version of the bill has some amazing issues highlighted. What is happening here is not an expression of freedom of expression, its a demand for ransom. The existence of overwhelming corruption in India is due to the increasing complexities of the bureaucracy. There are way too many rules, complexities and ambiguities. Addition of another layer which is to be extremely powerful is only making the maze more complex. The more complex the process the more the incentive for corruption.

Are people aware of constitutional bodies like the CVC, CBI, CAG which already exist to identify the problems in the system. How is Lokpal going to be any different from these? If they were all undermined by politicians and corrupt bureaucrats how is it possible for Lokpal to remain above the clutches of this level of corruption.

Lets look at this logically. Is it even possible for a "Civil body" to be independent and hire thousands of "honest" people to fight the war against corruption? People in India suffer more from grass root level corruption than worrying about the inclusion of the Prime Minister under the Lokpal.

Where is the compromise? The government maybe going at it all wrong to meet the demands of the people, but still they are the elected government body. We need to remember that, there is a sense of order established for a reason. Reports of people pouring in and joining the protest maybe good for the TRP, but tell me this how many of you bothered to read the highlights of the different versions of the Lokpal.

What Anna and gang propose may have started as a stepping stone towards bettering the corrupt system, but personally they have a deep sense of arrogance to say " I have the exclusive right towards fighting corruption and my way is the only way."

Before you join the Anna bandwagon, consider and examine the different proposal, the alternatives and then answer this question for me,

In a war to bring integrity and honesty into the system don’t you think fighting with the blackmail of eminent death a road to anarchy?

Yeah.. am a peter.. so what?

2011-07-30T22:41:00.001+05:30

Let’s start this post by stating I am somewhat of a snob. I frown upon roadside food, prefer English movies, shop at metro for my shoes, talk to the majority of my friends in English, loathe tamizh soap operas and absolutely detest it when someone talks bad English. This makes me a "peter" or should I say "mary". I admit it makes my life a lot frustrating specially when am with some friends and family who insist on making fun of the same. Although what they don’t understand is that there are levels of "peter".

You have the absolute peters. The ones who hate everything Indian made. The ones who say i only shop at Gucci, drink only lattes and say " oh what a lame language Taamil is", pretend to have not heard of Thiruvalluvar. I have quite a few friends in this category.

The you have the total opposites. The ones who detest “Peters”. The ones who are the cynics. The ones who "try" hard to be one with the mass. The ones, who insist on travelling by bus when it’s easier to take an auto, contend that you carry out a conversation in tamizh, refuse to pay the auto man another five bucks and insist on buying a ten rupee movie ticket when clearly we can clearly afford something more. I wonder if we can give the folks in this category a name. What is the opposite of Peter? “Tamizhselvan?”.

And then there are the intermediate "peters" like me. Yes we like a certain standard of things, we cannot stand 10 rupee tickets, rarely converse in tamizh except to immediate family. But we love shopping on the platform , while at the same time enjoy a good kuthu paatu.

But you know what? We have the best of both worlds. I am much better at articulating myself in English rather than Tamizh. So it stands to reason i talk to some of my best friends or sometimes even my family in a language I am comfortable in. This in no way means I don’t know Tamizh or dislike it or my city. I love Madras. There is this conflict here between the invasions of the modern society and those steeped in the traditions of the place.

In the whole circle of people who accuse me of being a "Peter", I wonder if anyone has even read a single Tamizh novel. For the record I enjoy a good story, language hardly matters. We earn good money why not let those who cannot afford to use the Rs 10 tickets.
As for the friends on the other end of the spectrum, trust me nothing beats the Nair Kada Tea. You enjoy way more than what you would with your Rs. 80 Capuccino.

Let’s not put labels guys. Live together die alone right :).. You can still end up being friends even if you’re on opposite ends.

Dear Mr. Hazare,

2011-06-19T19:39:00.002+05:30

While scores of Indians support you, offer their pledge to you I am pretty sure they don’t want to be you. What you are attempting is a not putting out small kitchen embers it is more along the lines of a roaring forest rampage. We as a group commend your effort; we applaud your attempt to curb the ever rising monster of “corruption”. However we do have some queries, have some worries with your growing approach to this matter.

First things first I’d fire whoever is your PR manager. They seem to be operating under the notion that all press is good press. There are rumors going around that you were a freedom fighter. It would have been quite an impressive feat, considering the fact you would have been 6 or 7 years old.

We as a nation are trained to become cynics. We don’t expect miracles. When Jayalalitha came to power we hoped she would change the current state of affairs with regard to Wine shops in the city we don’t expect crime rate to drop or auto rickshaws to magically start using “meters”. When you went on fast, we were genuinely excited. We hoped that the public would have some say in the Lokpal. What we did not expect was a complete eradication of corruption in the country. What you expect from Lokpal is as farfetched as India winning the football world cup. If you just “wikied” corruption in India you can see that it dates back decades. Did you think one movement is going to change it all?

Your movement created an impact. It made scores of Indians acknowledge the problem of corruption. It resulted in the UPA agreeing to draft a joint committee for the Lokpal. This would have improved the rate of corruption control in India. We would have won a battle, inspired the scores of Indian to wage a war. Isn’t it how we start?

A lot of people look up to you, you give people hope but your continued actions are taking away this hope. Please change your approach. Your demands on the members of the so called “civil society” being chosen on the basis of “honesty” is ridiculous. Honest according to whom? It is a relative term. Do you not know how the bureaucracy in this country works? They can dig up dirt on anyone, including you. There needs to be a set system of implementation on how the people are represented in the Lokpal. The whole idea is that this committee is to be “of the people” a society chosen by you does not represent the whole of India.

It cannot be all your way. You need to give and take. Gandhiji went on Satyagraha because he believed that the British government will not listen to his demands. But even he compromised keeping in mind the bigger picture. Times are changing, a step by step approach may work; we just need some patience. We need to start at the grass root level. If a 24 year old girl like me can understand that it should be much more apparent to someone of your experience. After all Mr. Hazare Rome was not built in a day.

Being Mediocre

2010-11-30T11:26:00.000+05:30

I’ve been in SMC for the last seven years and have written for this newspaper for the last six. Looking back id say the social construct of this institution demands that you fit in; it treated you well to fit in and in its own way took care of you if it fit in. Some say it is time to step up and make the change. I say it is in not easy to change the mindset of an entire institution, after all Rome wasn’t built in a day.

This isn’t the view of the college or the paper, it is a personal manifesto. A plea from someone who always “thought” of herself as mediocre and could never really be who she wanted to. It’s about a choice and it is about your life. This choice doesn’t require you to try hard to buck the system, though it challenges you to rethink your position in this institution. I have learnt one important lesson over the years, there is nothing wrong in being mediocre. There is not much of a difference between being a genius and being mediocre.

A genius in the outside world is one with an IQ of over 150, one who probably has an eidetic memory or one who probably wins the Nobel Prize. However in here a genius is one who has exceptional abilities and insights to find the not so obvious solutions to the problems every student faces in this institution, “How to get accepted and still be me?”

What defined the genius? Were geniuses only those who created what was perceived as the beautiful or the shocking, those who formed some piece of work that delivered a visceral punch? In painting, in music, in academia, in literature or theater? If so, did that make the rest of the 4000 odd students nothing more than the audience? Passive observers whose only contribution was applause or criticism? Think of it this way, what became of the geniuses without the “mediocre” audience?

No one in a genius all the time. Albert Einstein had trouble finding his own house when he returned home early every day. Alexander Graham bell forgot his own telephone number. But all of us are geniuses sometimes. The tragedy is that this society keeps drumming the genius part out. The problem is that we seem to have entered a Faustian bargain as a group. We trade our genius and artistry for possible stability.

I agree it is very difficult to find security in mediocrity. You can work only so many hours, fret only so much. Being a slightly better at academics or a slightly better artist can be taxing. You’re always looking over your shoulder, always trying to be a little less mediocre than the girl next to you. It wears you out. It’s impossible to do the work at the same time you’re in pain. The moment to moment insecurity of so many things classes, labs, sports, culturals, robs you of the confidence you need to do great work.

I leave you with this thought, think of what you do as an art. Your art is what you do and no one can tell you exactly how to do it. Your art is the act of taking personal responsibilities, challenging the status quo which at the end of the day changes people. You don’t need to be a “genius” to do that, plain simple “mediocrity” would do

2010-05-03T12:37:00.003+05:30

Mr. Daredevil and me

I have a very active imagination. While most people dream of random mundane stuff, my dreams are always of flying monkeys, circus polar bears on rampage, man eating spiders and so on. So during me not-so-brief stay on this planet there have been quite a few terrifying characters I have made up/watched on the television. However none of them can even compare to Mr. Daredevil.

I was helping H move into his new house and little did I know I was being watched. Watched by someone who knew every nook and corner of the house that I didn’t know existed…until of course he disappeared into them! After a day of heavy lifting and cleaning H offered to go get us some food while I unearthed some kitchenware from the yet to be opened boxes. As I was wrestling with the packing paper to find some usable plates, the power went off. I rummaged through the boxes to find some candles to light and that’s when I felt his presence.

I feel a chill go up my spine when I hear a scuffling sound near the cupboard. I try to scream as loud as I can to ward off the evil that lurks but no words come out. That is when I see him. He stands there proudly smirking knowingly at me. His thousand eyes marking his target while he begins to calmly move towards me trying to figure out the best way to take me down. As I watched in mounting horror he undid his hidden wings and prepared to take flight. He leaps into the air and hits me. I flail my arms around and my body writhes in terror. He flies straight at me…wings beating, altitude rising and falling most unpredictably. Seconds before impact I freeze, hold my ground and simply raise my hands feebly and turn my head away so I don’t see into those eyes before he strikes.

I tried to defend myself. What I did not know was that this flying critter was the ace of fly school. He was top gun material, probably the captain of the fleet. He anticipated my swing, dove, twisted and did a roll before climbing vertically upwards and disappeared into one of those fore mentioned nooks which only he knew exist!!! I stood there, stunned and speechless at what had just happened knowing fully well that he had won the battle wings down and the worst was yet to come.

I try to make my way out of the house before he shows up again. I started hard when the click of the door knob resounded. Shit. Can he open doors now? Why me? I thought. It wasn't fair. Someone touched my arm and I scream. Thank god it’s H. He is startled and turns me around. “What’s wrong he asks?” At this point my skin is clammy and my complexion is white. He looks troubled and insists on knowing what’s wrong. I point a shaky finger towards the bedroom. As H prepares to go and investigate I stop him saying its useless to go unarmed.

Armed with a cricket bat H slowly entered the room. He hits Mr.D in a swift sideswipe and made him spin across the floor…he came to a stop after hitting a chair leg and lay there a while with his precious wings strewn clumsily about, but almost as soon as he stopped he righted his wares, twitched his antennae and ran off at 160km/h towards some unseen haven he knew of. He turns, gives us one last look which plainly says “You may have won the battle but not the war.”

H turns to me with an unbelievable look on his face “A fricking cockroach? You made me think it was something much worse.”

I hear H ran into him another day and tried to take him out with a spray of mortein but I assume Mr.D didn’t get hit right because he dove into the sink (probably washed the stinging bug-spray off himself) and reappeared a few days later after his “sick leave” in the bathroom.

Mr. D is living proof that roaches were here before us, will live amongst us, and will survive after we nuke each other. H for one has given up on trying to get rid of him. He swears that after he stopped trying to kill him Mr.D stopped pulling those maverick-fly-boy moves. Mr.D now even has the decency to hide when H has guests.

Sprucing up!

2010-04-29T11:46:00.002+05:30

I was up last night unable to sleep mindlessly surfing through the TV when I saw a re-run of the much talked of ‘Evolution’ ad of Dove. It shows a plain, geeky woman walking up and seating herself in front of the camera and then being transformed by hair, light, and make-up into a glamour diva. The message conveyed of course was that it’s all doable—those flawless complexions, perfect features that seem to drive terror and cause self doubt amongst women all over via all visual media, are not so scary and impossible anymore.

The optional message is that it’s all fake—which means that the rest of us, too, can look like the million bucks it will cost us, for happiness is merely beauty at a price.

Like most introverts I grew up with my nose in a book, and so somehow entirely missed the process that socializes people to take some care with their appearance. While this saved me much of the heartache and self-doubt during school life, it also ensured that the real world came as a rude shock. I was forced to amend my quite genuine belief that looks don’t matter, to the indignant position that they shouldn’t matter.

I for one experienced this horror when I went for an interview last week, where I ran into a classmate of mine who was there for the same interview. Did I have better grades? Yes. Did I do better on my written tests and my tech rounds? Yes. Did I have more experience than the other applicant? Yes. Was I better looking than her? No. Don’t get me wrong here. I was well dressed, well mannered. But I wasn’t wearing make up or dint take as much effort with how I presented myself as the other applicant. However I got an email saying I wasn’t what they were looking for while the other applicant was hired. Of course there is always the possibility that she was better qualified than me and maybe I am just crying over spilt milk.

It’s too tedious to cite all the studies that show that the earth’s very axis is tilted albeit slightly in favour of better-looking people, who despite the fact of having been assumed to have fewer brains( which is definitely not always true), get hired more easily, make more money, live easier lives, and have more fun.
Most people would prefer to believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but evolutionary psychology tells a different story. In reality, everyone is likely to gravitate toward certain physical characteristics that make some people more desirable than others.

These preferences exist for one basic reason: biological reproduction. It is a well established fact that male preferences are biologically and evolutionarily programmed to find signs of youth and health attractive, so as to seek females that are best suited to carry on their genes.

Ever since the first cave woman held a bit of shiny stuff against her skin, ever since an Egyptian noblewoman smeared green mineral paste on her eyelids and bathed in donkey’s milk, we’ve been using brain to spruce up ways to make oneself look better, raising the beauty stakes ever higher and forcing the less attractive to play ever-more frantic games of catch up.

We are now at a watershed moment in the history of human hotness. Things are evening out. Between makeup, makeovers and surgery, the ugly and/or insecure have never had it so good, which is nice, because their ranks are swelling with every new magazine issue, television show and movie that comes out. Once upon a time it was kajal in the eye , flowers in the hair and today it’s liposuction and Botox. Who knows, facial transplantation surgery—now used only in the most extreme medical need—may one day become as casual as a haircut.

I haven’t yet worked out how I feel about all this (though I should be appalled). We should know better than to fall for it, but frankly, as long as the world continues to reward style over substance ( in many cases) , getting the odd lock highlighted or your eyebrows shaped might not be such a bad option to flinging yourself off a bridge.

Salaaaary

2010-04-11T12:14:00.005+05:30

I have started hating family functions. I guess its the only way one meets their cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews etc etc. What i don't like is people pestering me about what i do.

Q1: What do you do now?
Q2: how much does it pay?

Excuse me random daugher of a third cousin of my dad, its none of your business.

What is it with us people? Whats the obsession that we have about education, job qualification?

I think we should blame the previous generation. When i was a kid i remember parents waiting at the school gates to pick up their kids yapping about random non important things like "My daughter is the first in class. My son has finished all levels of the Hindi exams. My daughter has started preparing for iit from std IX."At that time i used to think we would be better. We would be much better than our parents at least in this respect. However i find we are even worse.

I remember the time when people asked "Where do you work? Have you got your promotion? When will you become a manager?" But now its "Why arent you working for an MNC? Dont apply to that US university its not even in the top 50. Oh you studied in that college, oh they never have campus interview"

The problem why asking for personal information is bad is because, people tend to transalate that into other unconnected fields.They tend to think bad either of your education or your upbringing.

Most of the time when people ask how much you earn, it is for a wrong reason. The parents, some close friends may ask for a good reason. But they are the minority. The main reason why people ask is that they want to assume for a fleeting moment that their lives are somehow better than the other person. The salary quoted provides them with the scope to demarcate themselves. It also allows them to indirectly advertise their salary, even though no one even asked them and make comments like "Oh you poor thing.Have you considered changing careers?".

Oh am not saying i dont want to earn lots of money. Of course i do. But that doesnt mean you get to give your " five mins psych eval". Why do people judge you based on a factor that is decided by completely unrelated parameters?

Please dont harp on things related to job/education/marriage all the time. There are nMillion other things to talk about.

FIRST LOVE- I

2010-03-14T22:17:00.002+05:30

“They say, when you are eighteen, you have to fall in love with someone. She never thought it would ever happen to her. But still, there was something about that dude that was bothering her. He was not among the most charming guys in the gang. He was not even suave or funny. In fact he was kind of broody and Heathcliff like. Maybe it was his frankness and casual attitude that attracted her – she didn’t know for sure. There was one thing that sent electric shock across her body – his smile. Edison didn’t invent any formulae to calculate how much this version of electricity could affect people!

This wasn't a silly crush. She was a grownup now. This was love. True love. She had known him for a year or two and had a crush on him at one point early on. She had spoken with him a couple of times but each time,she found out to her dismay that of all the words available in the English language, she could recollect only ten or fifteen words! All grammatical rules broke down when she looked into his eyes. She didn’t have the courage to go and talk to him about her feelings. She knew he would never go for her. She was plain , pudgy and dorky. To her he was perfection. Time passed by. They became good friends.

They were travelling by bus. Looking out the window, she realized her head was beginning to ache. It was ridiculous really, she thought. Why was this so difficult? She thought she was over it. Over him. She glanced down at his hand. Would he ever hold her hand in his? He could so easily reach out and touch her hand right now.

Things had changed between them, hadn’t they? He didn’t treat her like that kid he used to hang out with. He was lost in thought. She was different. He knew she had a crush on him when she was a kid. But now things had changed, he was certain of that. But he was uncertain of exactly what those changes meant. He knew she was just as happy as him to have him as her friend. But did he want them to be something more?

They walked home from the bus stop both lost in thoughts. He realized how much he depended on her. They reached his apartment. She gave him the slow half smile that was so much a part of her. The smile that accelerated his heartbeat. Without thinking he said “ I don’t know what I would do without you.” She turned to him and said “I think I’ve had feelings for you, for a really longtime.” He edged back mumbled something and disappeared into the house without a word.

It was her birthday. She didn’t really want to celebrate. He hadn’t called. Why would he? She had decided to avoid him. It seemed like the longest day she ever had to live through. All she wanted was a book to curl up with in bed. Then he called asked if they could meet. She was nervous.

They met at the beach. He laid his hand on her arm, and she was compelled to look back at him. "Are you unhappy?"
"No," she said immediately, truthfully.
He continued to scan her face as his hand slid down to her wrist. "Are you happy?"
She opened her mouth, prepared to answer, then closed it again on a quick sound of frustration.

Why must those eyes be on hers, so direct, demanding perfect honesty? They wouldn't accept platitudes or pat answers. "Shouldn't I be?" she countered. His fingers tightened on her wrist as she started to rise. She had no choice but to face him again.

"Are we friends?" he asked.

She fumbled for an answer. A simple yes hardly covered the complexities of her feelings for him or the uneven range of their relationship. "Sometimes," she answered cautiously. "Sometimes I don’t know what we are."

“Me too” he thought silently. Hadnt he come here wanting to make things right! He couldn’t bear not talking to her. He entwined his fingers with hers, deep in thought.

He turned to him and said, “I like you, I really do. I wish we lived in an universe where all that mattered were the feelings of two people. But it wont work out. This is not right. You are too young to understand. I want you to forget this evening. I don’t want to see you or meet you for sometime. Now, Go home."

She blinked at him, confused. "What?"
"Go home," he repeated in the same frigid tone.
Her eyes were suddenly round and eloquent. "Oh, no, I—"
"I said go." His words fell like an axe. "I don't want you here."
Even as she stared at him, she paled from the hurt. There was nothing, nothing he could have done to wound her more deeply than to send her away. She felt both a rush of angry words and a rush of tears back up in her throat.

His words had been the last thing she had thought of before she fell into an exhausted sleep and the first to play in her mind when she awoke. She had been wrong. He didn’t like her.

"Why do I like him so much?" she asked herself. "What is it about him that attracts
me?" Her brows lowered and she stared into the distance. "Is it his voice, that is musical, and appealingly? Is it his intelligence? His wonderful sense of dry wit? Or is it the way he moves, with such fluidly controlled grace?”

2010-02-28T13:25:00.000+05:30

Arti: Okay this is the limit. I am one step away from going insane. Oh god! Where the hell are you?
God: hey waddup!
A: Who is it?
G: Its me God..
A: God? Where are you.. I cant really see you with all that bright light pointing towards me..
G: Oops. Sorry shifted to low watt environment friendly ones. Having trouble adjusting brightness. Just hold on will sms ya.Must be cheaper.Coverage at this time of the night should be good.
A: er.. I thought u created the universe and well isn’t light included in it??
G: Of course not, Woman have you forgotten elementary physics? Law of conservation of energy??
A: oho! Din know that. Then wats with the “Let there be light” propaganda?
G: That. I din come up with it.. The PR guys thought it would be good for my image.
A: oh okay. So why you here?
G: Didn’t you just summon me.
A: Okay that’s weird.. It was jus an expression. Sorry.
G: That’s cool np. I was bored anyway. Have been reading this. (points to a huge book)
A: Okay that’s huge. Is it a list of all that people want?
G: Not really.. Its Shashi Tharoor’s tweet updates. I wanted to know why he gets into trouble all the time. And one point of clarification, me being God and all am not allowed into hell.
A: Oh okay I kinda forgot.. it seems to be a verbal crutch these days.. By the way since ur here and all can I ask you something?
G: Fire away.
A: Who are you? Krishna? Buddha? Jesus? Allah?
G: The core of all religions is the same. And the core is me. Interpretations of me vary. But I am constant.
A: okay.. if that’s the case people go around fighting about you for what reason? Why don’t ya stop em?
G: That’s not how I roll.. I gave you all free will. I don’t have time to babysit each and everyone of you. And to be honest I get a lil bored up here. You guys are my tv you know..
A: that’s a little petty for god now isn’t it?
G: you shoulda seen how ive screwed over other planets?
A: other planets? Okay I don wana know. Is that why ur texting me instead of a vision?
G: How do you know this is not a vision?
A: Touché god.
G: Okay my balance is kinda out. So gtg. Ttyl.

stereotypes

2010-02-18T13:40:00.000+05:30

My friend’s mother recently passes away. H didn’t take it very well. Did not want to work, talk to anyone. We begged, cajoled, threatened. After about a month, went off to work. Had a breakdown in front of the colleagues. But the whole thing was not looked upon kindly by the people at work. Why? As a man he is supposed to be stronger. He doesn’t fit the stereotype. From childhood, girls are allowed to cry and boys are forced not to cry. After a certain age the boy is told, “You are a big boy now. You shouldn’t cry.” Does it mean men aren’t allowed to express emotions? Everyone believes that he/she belongs to a stereotype and may be he/she should just follow that.

We as a species are all hypocrites. It’s just that our level of awareness about it differs from person to person. Not so long ago I made a harsh comment about men who cry and how unattractive it is. Now when I think about it I realize I was being as dumb as the people at H’s workplace.

Having said that, I am playing devil’s advocate. In today’s cognitive world, stereotypes are just generalizations, for better or worse, the product of everyone’s mind. For most people an essential feature of stereotypes is that they are negative and that is the one reason why they seem so offensive. People want to feel good about themselves and they would like to, more often than not, bolster their confidence by convincing themselves that they are doing much better than their cohorts.

Take gender stereotyping. Comments like “You throw like a girl” meant to insult a guy is looked on as a negative stereotype. It is well established that an average man would have better muscle power than an average woman. Does it mean guys who make comments like this are chauvinists? Not really. It’s a way for them to establish rapport.

Don’t you think we may have equal number of positive and negative generalizations about people? We tend to label those negative as stereotypes whereas the positive ones are labeled as mere generalizations. This is a reason why people seem to get offended when you tell them they belong to a stereotype. Isn’t it better to fit into a mold rather than not fit anywhere at all?

I think it is an innate tendency for the human mind to abstract. It’s easier to group people into different homogeneous segments, than to attempt understanding each one separately. These groups can be anything like "those who go for love marriages" , H1B category, north Indians calling all south Indians “madrasi”.. Yada. Yada. It is just one form of cognition according to me when you are trying to understand someone.. There are as always errors and but it still makes the effort easier for the mind right?

I don’t know if stereotyping is right/wrong, makes sense/doesn’t. I just hope people would have better perception of the concept. What do you think?

Izz all well?

2010-01-18T19:22:00.002+05:30

Three idiots may or may not be a rip off to chetan bhagat’s original novel, it may have been a real fun to sit through those two and half hours but one line in the movie got me thinking.

In one of the scenes of 3 Idiots, Aamir Khan says, “kabhi aap log class main ye soch kar aaye ho ki aaj kuch naya sikhne ko milega, aaj maza aayega”.

I hope I got the hindi English typing right. When you think back to your college days, you have a lot of fond memories. You think of pulling pranks, failing tests, falling in love, getting drunk. But for once have you thought of a memorable class you sat through?

Most regrettably, students never feel that way. Attending the class is rather an ordeal which they have to face in their quest to get a degree. This is the reason why students loath to attend the classes and the only ‘weapon’ that’s capable enough to shove them into the class is the “Terror of attendance”.

In most of the classes students are welcomed with the horror of the powerpoint slides; extremely monotonous, verbose and theoretical. Lecturers and professors just copy paste from e copys of books and just read out in class. There is a saying “example is better than precept”. Until and unless we don’t know how a particular funda is being applied in the lab or in the industry, why the hell should we care to understand it?

I teach a cell biology 101 class. In our college 101 classes are those which deal with the basics. In order to make students understand the models of the plasma membrane I likened the structure to a subway sandwich. Believe it or not when the question was asked in the exam paper every single student got it right.. Sure some of them included the analogy, but what matters is most of them got the concept rather than just commit it to memory.

Another thing that really bothers me is the focus on campus interviews. Don’t get me wrong am all for 100% placement and all that. But what matters seems to be the final salary p.a rather than the job the person gets. People ask me why I teach. Even my own profs “you are top of your class. You shouldn’t be teaching. Yada yada. ” . The first thing people ask me when I tell them I teach is how much do you earn? That really drives me crazy. Why should it matter to you? My uncle advised me” If today you join a biotech or a pharma firm, in three years you may be earning 3 to 5 times of what you would earn as a lecturer” Thank you Einstein I didn’t know that. I do what I do coz its fun. It’s a challenge everyday.

I hope the Indian education system will one day change so that students can learn what they like rather than what others think is good for them. I believe in looking for excellence rather than success. If one is excellent at what one does success is definite to follow. Success should not be because of serendipity but because of conscious and calculated efforts.

Private health sector

2009-12-01T17:36:00.001+05:30

Private hospitals are supposed to be better than government hospitals.. Or so goes the myth. my latest experience with them seemed like something out of a bad horror movie.
About ten days back my grandmother fell sick.. She just wouldn’t wake up one morning and we had to take her to a hospital.. The first hassle was to find one which would admit her.. Most of them replied saying they din have a bed or that the patient had to be admitted by one of their doctors..Then I called my friend’s mom who is a doctor, explained the situation and Mami went out of her way to help us out..

Once the call came from her , the hospital was very accommodating. Wherever my grandmother was taken she was first denied care and later admitted because she was related to someone they know. . So the first lesson I learnt, unless I know someone in the hospital you are not going to admit me..

The way the duty doctors and nurses treat the family is ludicrous.. When my father asked one of the doctors what was the situation he gave a bunch of medical terms. Being the only person with a life science background, my family often turns to me when doctors talk “their language”. But when I approached them I was told I wouldn’t understand. Isn’t it your job to make me understand?

One would expect the chief doctor to be even more arrogant than the rest of them. But I was pleasantly surprised. He was very down to earth and approachable. He explained things very clearly and gave it to us straight that her chances of survival are not very high. He was very somber and seemed to be the first person who was able to understand our difficulty. The problem was he comes to the ward one hour a day.. The other 23 hrs we have to deal with the duty doctors.. During shift change its hell.. Once doctors suggests a treatment course while the next one denies any knowledge of it..

The agony continues even after the person has passed away. She was declared dead at 8.20 p.m. Till 10 00 p.m. we were not given any information. When we went up to the desk we were informed that we cannot take her home until all bill settlements were made and the person who was in charge of billing had gone home!! I was also politely informed by a nurse that there were more tragic deaths happening around me.. Does that mean the pain we feel is less?

It’s been almost ten days now and still we haven’t received the death summary which we require to claim the medical insurance. Private medical services in India are supposed to be coming of age. Administrative systems and customer services are even worse than the medical care.

Its not something we can avoid. Getting sick and going to the hospital is something I might have face again. But with such horrible administrative system, unsympathetic nurses and doctors who don’t want to take the time to explain their treatment process, I worry if it would help heal a patient or add more stress to it.

Oh don’t take me wrong, I respect doctors, infact I have some very close friends who are doctors. I understand their need to be emotionally detached but being in the noblest profession of all shouldn’t people in the health care sector have more empathy?

SEX!

2009-11-01T13:18:00.000+05:30

Ah that made most of you sit up right: P! It is probably the most controversial topic that one can talk about. Since we are the “life sciences dept” the responsibility of taking sex education for more than 200 students falls on our department. And unfortunately I was put in charge. Most people do not take this job seriously. They are either embarrassed or fear repercussions. I on the other hand got into the organizing of the series of lectures very enthusiastically. I figured as long we are doing it, let us do it right. I arranged some guest speakers – an OB-GYN, a sexologist and a NGO social worker. I was covering all my bases.

The institution in which I work was determined to botch things up. See according to them sex is not something to be discussed about. They think and believe that students do not know anything and they prefer to keep it that way. The only reason they even arrange these seminars is because the university makes it compulsory.
They thought that a sexologist was too “controversial” who would corrupt young minds. They asked me to inform the doctor that she could only talk about the anatomy of the reproductive systems and not go into specifics. The social worker was asked to talk about AIDS and other STDs very carefully. The icing on the cake being the only methods of protection we were allowed to discuss was abstinence.

What bothered me more than anything is how people are so reluctant to talk about it. I was the only one amongst the staff who didn’t fidget or was embarrassed. I don’t get it. What is the point in having sex ed , if no one is actually going to talk about it. They figure “talking about it gives kids ideas”. I say the kids already have the idea from the television, cinema, books and what not. Even without all that , didn’t Adam and Eve or the cavemen in Neanderthal age “ do it” . Propagation of the species is a trait inbuilt in our DNA.

Im not one for pre marital sex or live in relationships but considering the fact that I was a student here for five years I know the different kinds of people who go to school here. Many of them have boyfriends, go away for weekends and I don’t think the institution has a right to judge them. It is their personal choice. Respect that. Teach them values, give them advice but if we don’t inform them about how they could protect themselves , they may end up with STDs or pregnant.

The basic problem here is sex is viewed as something which cannot be talked about or even thought of openly. How can teachers, professors or parents impart sex ed to their children or students when they cant talk about it themselves?

Universally, prevention is better than cure, but the question remains – is sex education a prevention, a cure or an experiment the result of which is not known .

Of LOLS and OMGS!!

2009-10-04T11:37:00.000+05:30

‘Lol I think we must’ve missed each other lol’ Now is the second lol really necessary? When you think about it what about the first one? If you insist on ‘lol’ing surely with such a short sentence one lol would suffice? Or was the incident in which this sentence refers so side splittingly funny that the author burst in to laughter first at the thought of the incident and then upon the exclamation of the incident? And most importantly will lol eventually take over actual laughter in real life? I just have an image in my head of going to watch the latest movie starring Jim Carrey and the whole of the delusional audience exclaiming ‘lol!’ At the site of Carrey’s slap stick comedy.

I enjoy facebook. On the most part it has been an extremely useful way of getting in touch with old friends, taking generally useless tests to pass the vetti time between one class and another. It is also another way of giving my friends terrible banter in an attempt to embarrass them in front of people who aren’t ‘mutual friends’. I like the idea that it gives everyone a voice and encourage people to get involved with worthy causes, and I like the idea that it’s non-discriminating and promotes multiculturalism. What I don’t like is ‘lol’ing, ‘wtf’ing and ‘omg’ing. What pisses me off even more is the tryin to be subtle about insults like “ F*%K” . Isn’t it easier to jus say fudge, fish or why don’t you just say fuck out right??

Now, as was pointed out to me quite recently, ‘haha’ makes you sound like a dear old grandma (apparently) and ‘hehe’ing just makes you sound utterly ridiculous. You could write ‘that’s so funny’ but then people ask if you are patronizing them. ‘wtf’ should not be used because an exclamation of this magnitude does not warrant an abbreviation. Im not being a prude. I swear quite freely. But it is something that should be used in dire circumstances. There is no point in saying “ WTF he din score!”. Swearing seems to have become the latest “fab”.

If you’re having a bad day chances are at least 10 % of your face book ‘friends’ are having a bad day as well. The difference is they’re not telling everyone. If you’re having a bad day ring a friend, go for a cup of coffee or jus drink the night away with someone who genuinely cares. It is very unlikely that people are going to show sympathy, especially if you specify what’s wrong. If you change your status to ‘ got yelled at by my boss! Had a depressing day!’ the person who had probably had a day much much worse than you will throw his personal computer off a bridge out of sheer annoyance. Trust me, very few people care. The few that do are on the end of your mobile telephone.

No photo albums dedicated to new pets. I’m very happy that you’ve finally found love but I don’t need to see 103 photos of the mutt with comments such as ‘lol sooo cute’ underneath. It makes me want to repeatedly hit my head against a brick wall until I can no longer think or act for myself.

I could go on but you all know the other problems. To be fair you can do what you want with facebook. I’m just expressing what countless hundreds of other are thinking every time they see new photo albums called ‘My prince is here and makes me feel less shit about my life lol’. Don’t even get me started on twitter!

Being popular!

2009-09-01T23:11:00.001+05:30

After the last hour of the day, I was gathering my notes and my laptop to head home; I saw one of my students trying to catch up with her friends. This was not an easy task considering she had two huge library books and her meticulously arranged notes. Even as she called out trying to straighten her duppata and push back her glasses, they made their way down the stairs completely ignoring her. She dropped back dejectedly as their plans of heading off to City center echoed clearly through the corridors. Looking at the disappointment in her eyes I desperately wanted to help her, coz looking at her was like looking in a mirror. I was reminded of myself at my first year at college. I wasn't much different from her.

I walked upto her and asked her what was wrong. The assessments she said. I was surprised considering she got the highest grade in class. "That's the problem" she countered. I told her that the smart kids are always unpopular because the other kids envy them for being smart. I wasn't being completely honest.

In most colleges, being smart just didn't matter much. It wasn't something that was admired or despised. All other things being equal, they would have preferred to be on the smart side of average rather than the dumb side, but intelligence counted far less than, say, physical appearance, leadership, or athletic ability. I was the one they came to when they had an assignment deadline or a test on the next day. Not someone with whom they made plans for the weekend.

Why don't smart kids make themselves popular? If they're so smart, why don't they figure out how popularity works? Im reminded of the scandalous book " How Ophal Metha went wildand got a life". The answer, is we don't want to be "with the crowd." Im not being completely honest. Saying I don't want to be popular is like saying Popeye hated spinach. Of course I wanted to be popular but what I wanted more was to be intelligent. The well liked ones learn to be popular the same way we learned to be smart. Being popular is no cup of tea. It's a lot of work. Popularity isn't just something you are or you aren't, but something you make yourself.

I explained to her that in future what would help is her being smart. She would get a good job, earn a lot of money and in general be way more happier than them. When the things you do have real effects, it's no longer enough just to be pleasing. It starts to be important to get the right answers, and that's where being smart has an advantage. Because we didn't fit into this world, does not mean something is wrong with us. It means that in some ways we were a step ahead.

She patiently listened to my line of argument and retorted " I don't want to be popular, I just want to be accepted." Well to that I didn't have an answer.

I saw her a few days later with a cool backpack, contact lens and a kurti. She was hanging out with a different crowd. A more somber crowd if I may say. She was laughing at what her friend was saying. She turned towards me and gave a blinding grin and mouthed thank you. . As she walked off I remembered how I had steadfastly held on to my principles refusing to bend. I may have been right but it didn't really help me. Maybe she was right. Being popular didn't matter, not as much as acceptance.

Betty can do better!

2009-08-19T21:29:00.001+05:30

I grew up in a family which encouraged reading books. In fact in this day and age where most people don't read, we as a group might be an exception. Starting from fairy tales upto teenage fiction ive read it all. Sadly one thing was disallowed –Comics books. So while most kids picked them up at the age of maybe 6 or 7, I started out pretty late. The first time I started reading comics was at my friend S's place. You can always find a well read copy Archie's at their kitchen table. I've been hooked to comics since then.

What I remember of Archie, I ask myself. For some reason, I realized yesterday that it has been five years now since I finished high school. That makes me feel old. However back then, Archie's Riverdale and the rest were the American dream. This was the beginning of the "dot-com boom" and the "M.S trend". It was our access to anything American before we were "allowed" to watch Hollywood movies.

For decades this high school guy has been indecisive when it comes to girls. He could never choose between sweet, blond girl-next-door Betty and raven-haired heiress Veronica. People seem to be outraged on Betty's behalf. Honestly I think she is better off without him. If Veronica accepts, then she is making a big mistake! Who would want Archie? Indecisive, spoilt, not particularly intelligent either. Betty can do better!

Most of all I'm disappointed in the story line. It is the biggest cliché there is.. We have seen it all…of course we have our great love stories that romanticize the poor lover: rich girl meets poor boy, they fall in love, she defies her stern dad, they run away and live in penury but happily, dad finally forgives her and they all live happily ever after in daddy's big mansion.

MY friend Harsha, argues Comic books are made for the purpose of making people smile and laugh. Nice girls are supposed to finish first in the long run? If so, then how can it be that, after keeping both waiting for 67 years, it's Veronica that comic book hero Archie is finally proposing to, and not Betty?

I've always enjoyed Jughead's goofiness, Reggie's vanity, and the love triangle between Archie, Veronica, and Betty. If I were a romantic I would probably pair up Veronica with Reggie and Archie with Betty. Im sorry Harsha, fairy tales and "happily ever after" don't exist.. not even in comic books!

KAAPI!

2009-07-25T22:04:00.004+05:30

Its wonderful aroma wafts through the air molecules and sinks in to the system while people get up to get their fixes. Or some others wait sleepy eyed at canteens or the roadside shops for that one cup of pure ecstasy. Yes I'm talking abt coffee, or as we call in our dear old madras filter kaapi.

Like a typical madrasi, I cannot function in the morning without my cup of filter kaapi. . But till date most of the time when I wake up in the morning there is amma handing me a cuppa. But when mom isn't in town, the wait in the morning is like pure torture. The wonderful aroma, the sounds of the sizzling hot water poured into the filter and of the milk boiling over is what gives you a jump start to the day. when I was younger amma always took me along to buy the coffee from "Leo coffee house" in Usman rd. Those huge coffee bean grinders never failed to fascinate me. The utter casualness with which the coffee beans were poured into the grinders and the seeming ease with which the grinders crushed the coffee beans into "kaapi podi" always unfailingly left me awed. I miss that! These days we buy the coffee powder in packets.

CCD has this tagline "A lot can happen over coffee". I agree. Although honestly one doesn't really get the same rush or enjoyment with a cup of cappuccino or an espresso served in mugs or cups and saucers. What we need is the good old davara and tumbler..Piping hot coffee in the glass which would be poured back and forth into and out of the davara for the coffee to slightly cool – just that wee bit so that the coffee did not end up burning ones palate.

Sometimes when we are at the beach we walk to this tiny shack and order a 'by-two kaapi'. The sad part is that nowhere else do you feel that love, that feeling of contentment not even when you're sitting in comfy cushions out of the sweltering heat at Barista or Mocha. It's when you hit a shack, order a by-two kaapi, sit on the wooden bench, stretch your legs, pour that coffee into the saucer-like cup, sip, and talk -- you say "aaah there we are!"

And what prompted this post? The debate if the world coffee chain conglomerate - Starbucks would soon come to India. As a self-confessed coffee junkie, I say there is no way they can ever replace my shtrong filter kaapi.

Harry Potter -HBP- A disappointment

2009-07-19T21:46:00.002+05:30

" Its more dark and more adult" claimed the tagline. One of the movies that most of us were waiting for this year . But sadly among the many clichés, this year, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince disappoints the truly enthusiastic fan.

By the end of the movie , i thought i was watching some teenage love saga!! The subtle romantic byplay between Ron and Hermione was totally lost in the movie and Emma Watson seems to be portrayed as a love sick teenager, not the brilliant teenage prodigy.

Music by Nicholas Hooper when compared with the original soundtrack by John Williams does not really bring out the desolate times and is unable to carve out a specific role in the film.
The truly disappointing scene was the climax! I wonder what prompted Yates to have Potter stand by without doing anything while Dumbledore was being killed.

The scenes included by the director from scratch and that did not feature in the novel, the attack of Bellatrix, collapse of the Millennium Bridge, the initial scene where Harry is seen flirting with the muggle waitress could have been scraped to give room for others. The Gaunt family history and as the descendant of Salazar Slytherin Merope Gaunt has bewitched by a spell Dad Tom Riddle was completely ignored. There is no trace of Hepzibah Smith, owner of Cup or the the story of the Half-Blood Prince.

I wonder if the desire of Yates to lighten the texture in anticipation of turning the final venture more gloomy and dark. Although by emphasising on the "fun" parts in the movie partially emptied the true purpose of the book - to delve deeper into the psych of voldemort.

2009-06-29T17:21:00.001+05:30

Climb the walls of insanity,
Ride the waves of despair.
If you fall it don't matter
There's no one to care.

Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.

Hide the pain, carry on,
Routine is the key.
Don't let on that you're not,
What you're pretending to be.

Lock it all up inside you,
How badly that bodes.
Look out for that one day,
When it all just explodes.

Leaving naught but a shell,
Base functionality too.
But killing all else,
That was uniquely you.

So how do you grow,
With a timebomb inside?
Or how to defuse it,
Without destroying its ride?

You can't. It will finally destroy you!

Moments - Part 1

2009-06-25T12:52:00.005+05:30

They say, when you are eighteen, you have to fall in love with someone. She never thought it would ever happen to her. But still, there was something about that dude that was bothering her. He was not among the most charming guys in the gang. He was not even suave or funny. In fact he was kind of broody and Heathcliff like. Maybe it was his frankness and casual attitude that attracted her – she didn’t know for sure. There was one thing that sent electric shock across her body – his smile. Edison didn’t invent any formulae to calculate how much this version of electricity could affect people!

She had spoken with him a couple of times but each time she found out to her dismay that of all words available in the English language, she could recollect only ten or fifteen words! All grammatical rules broke down when she looked into his eyes. Her friends made fun of her , the class debate champion couldn’t string ten words together to make comprehensive sentences.

She didn’t have the courage to go and talk to him about her feelings. She knew he would never go for her. She was plain , pudgy and kinda dorky. To her he was perfection. She would never be able to handle a rejection. She loved hanging out with him. She decided it was better to forget all this and be his friend.

Years went by she went on to become a librarian and he a lawyer. They remained very close friends even though they lived quite apart. She helped him through a bad break-up. He was there when she lost her job. He soon found a job back in his home town.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They were travelling by bus. They had taken to going to temples together every week. Looking out the window, she realized her head was beginning to ache. It was ridiculous really, she thought. Why was this so difficult? She thought she was over it. Over him. She glanced down at his large hand. Would he ever hold her hand in his? He could so easily reach out and touch her hand right now. Things had changed between them, hadn’t they? He didn’t treat her like that kid he used to hang out with.

He was lost in thought. She was different. He knew she had a crush on him when she was a kid. But now things had changed, he was certain of that. But he was uncertain of exactly what those changes meant. He knew she was just as happy as him to have him as her friend. But did he want them to be something more?

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His car broke down on his way back home. The car had to be towed. He could take a bus back home. But he pulled out his cell phone and called her. He didn’t think if the reasoning was right. He didn’t think if she would mind coming out here to get him. She came without hesitation.

The drive back was silent. They were both lost in thoughts. He realized how much he depended on her. How much he needed her. They reached his apartment. She gave him the slow half smile that

was so much a part of her. The smile that accelerated his heartbeat. Without thinking he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

She turned to him and said “ I think ive had feelings for u, for a really longtime.”

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Objectivism - Fountainhead

2009-06-18T14:06:00.002+05:30

I recently re-read it, and it was a very different entity than the one I recall reading at fourteen. All I really remembered was the red-haired Roark, naked on a cliff, spurned and individualistic, doing Peter Keating's homework, and having an incomprehensible but weirdly fascinating affair with someone named Dominique.

However when i read it now i look at it differently.I know a lot of people who admire Roark’s persistent moral courage, I personally am quite critical of his stubbornness and self righteous obsession. Roark says Happiness is self-contained and self-sufficient, and this seems to be the insurmountable obstacle I have with Rand's philosophy. Is being happy really that simple?

At his closing statement at the trial Roark says "Only by living for himself was man able to achieve the glories of mankind" .I disagree. Almost every great invention I can think of was created with others in mind. It seems to me that Rand has created a character who cannot exist in this world.

So according to Rand the only way one can find true happiness is by following one's own ambition single mindedly with no regard for what others think about it. Can one live in society that way?

The manipulative nature of Ellsworth Toohey leads to his downfall; The parasitism of Keating results in his mental breakdown; and the power cravings of Wynard make him powerless. Wynand fails because he is seduced by his need for the great volume of readers. However despite all this they seem more real to me than Roark. They were driven by vices of human nature. As far as i am concerned every man has his faults, even fictional ones.

Perhaps I can't get behind objectivism because I have too little faith in the human race to do anything without an incentive. Or perhaps it's because I can't see people as individual units,. I wholeheartedly believe that the way we define ourselves is not by what we think of ourselves, but how we treat other people.

Poo, Kolams and Mamas..

2009-05-16T17:49:00.009+05:30

When i told my grandma that i would come for a visit to tirunelveli with her i was sure that the time i am here i would be bored to death. Suprisingly i find that im quite content here. I find myself appreciating small towns.The amount of one on one interaction is amazing, everyone seems to know everyone else's business.

So every morning at 5.30 when im up to put kolam (Ya suddenly ive become the pakka iyer athu ponnu :P) im accosted by atleast one mami or mama.The same kolam which i put in maybe two mins here at home takes atleast 15 mins to get done in tvl :).The conversation always goes the same way..

mama: ne sowndharam ponnu thane..
me: ama
mama: enaku unga amma chinna vayasu lenthu theriyum... unga appavayum nanna theriyum ( then follows a long story abt how they know our family..)
mam: ne enna panra ippo? unaku thambi undu ella?
me: nan Msc mudichiruken.. (get interrupted)
mama: ama shankar enna panran ippo? un perimma pasanga bombayla thane erukanga..(asks questions about almost every cousin or second cousin i know or dont know...)

i took my grandma to cast her vote. She forgot her glasses hence couldnt see the symbols properly on the voting machine. The electoral officer there says " madam neenga ungapaatikita ketu podungalen" .. im like "er...isnt tat lik wrong".. the dude says its okay.. Ethe in chennai he would probably be saying "seekirama votea potutu move panu perisu"

And then there are those really annoyingly chirpy mamis that i meet in the temple everyday.. even if i forget to keep Poo one day they'll make sure to get some and place it on my hair ... :)

Then there are the older thathas who accost you with a I-know-it-all expression and look sadly at you and say with a straight face..
"Biotechnology is useless.Nee IT panirkanom. So evlo pannum onakku kadaikum?"
When I mumbled some number,He looked at me wildly.
"Do you realize you are going to be poor? How are you going to live on a salary like that?"
I felt bad on adding an extra zero. I silently thanked aryabhatta. :P

Here is the picture of the kolam i put.. i also found the basket i made which i gave it to my grandma so took a pic of tat too :)

I made the whole basket by myself :) true story !!

Hilarious apology :)

2009-05-11T11:44:00.001+05:30

Not mine... This is the apology note my friend sent his girl after a fight! i thought it was hilarious :)

1.“Because he said so” is not, as common consent states, a feasible argument.

2."Because she said so" is, and will always be, a feasible argument.

3. Manisha is a very beautiful girl.

4. Your the only girl worth making lists for.

5. If Harsha was correct, that would mean that Manisha was wrong, which is patently untrue, for the occurrence of “Manisha being wrong” merits the event of hell freezing over. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but I think we’re enjoying fine weather.

6. Of course the egg came before the chicken. I don’t know why I ever suggested otherwise.

Yours sincerely, truly, forever and ever or at least until you chuck me to the side,

Harsha ramakrishnan

When i was stupidly drunk...

2009-05-05T22:20:00.001+05:30

M and H recently got “officially” engaged. So we decided to celebrate…. Ms parents were out of town so we decided to have an evening at her place... Watch some cricket, order some pizza and you know generally hang out.

Despite the fact that ive been out with my friends a number of times to pubs I have always made it a point to never get drunk. Stick to club soda! Be the one who mocks those who puke or those who end up bearing their souls…I am twenty two and I was the only one of my gang who had never been drunk before. I remember my first drink was a coke… I had one...then two...then a club soda…...then some vodka shots AND THAT'S WHEN IT ALL WENT WRONG! I MIXED ALCOHOL! Novice mistake…. The only upside of the whole experience being it wasn’t in public…

For someone who claims to have great self control I din handle getting drunk really well… And you would expect my pals to control me right.. but nooooo they were having fun watching their rule following “mami” friend making a complete fool of herself….

The foolish things that I did…

•I emailed this “terror” prof at college and called her all sorts of names…. I actually told her tat the reason why she was so uptight was coz she’d never been in a relationship her whole life.. (thank god she has no idea who the sender of the email is).

•Sang along with “linkin park” to numb. (which to my horror they hav it on video)

•Smsd my brother and told him tat I never appreciated him enough and other senti stuff..

•Told the entire group about the supposedly secret crush V had on S.

•Went on to tell them all an A joke which I would never ever in my right minds would consider sharing...

•Called my school math teacher and told her she was the worst math teacher in the history of teachers… ( i am deeply and profoundly grateful to my parents for giving me such a common name)

The rest is all a blur… The next thing I remember…. Puking my guts out…. I had a massive headache for almost an entire day…. So next time I go to these things Ill make sure I carry an extra bottle of coke nd most of all id never ever make fun of the one who is drunk... Getting drunk once was enough to last the rest of my life…

drifting along..

2009-03-23T18:49:00.000+05:30

I search through days that have been hard
To try to understand
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily life
So confident and strong
Yet when I am alone,
I question just where I belong
I often try too hard I find
To analyze and guess
To scrutinize investigate
My life I will confess
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me tomorrow
And yet i fail to realise
What happens to me today
It seems the harder that I try
To focus through the haze
Just serves to add more questions
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard
To understand it all
For can we ever truly know
Just what will really happen
Each incident each moment passed
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken
And confused as I feel now.

Why the discrimination?

2009-02-13T10:36:00.002+05:30

So today a really good friend of mine and me walked down to the beach … There was a bunch of people who were looking at us really weirdly… why? Coz my friend was wearing baby pink tracks and carrying a pale blue balloon.. Now why would that be weird??? Well my friend is a guy..

We passed this group of college boys who yelled “hey homo!”... Why does it bother you who goes around wearing what? Comment on it in private but to actually be so cruel about it.. I wanted to pick a bone with those guys but my friend said it wasn’t worth it and he was getting used to it.

Our society is not a very open minded even about things like live in relationships, sex before marriage, women visiting pubs.. Why even a simple coffee date… so there is no way they will ever accept homosexuality..

There are many open minded people I know who say “hey im cool with it” unless they actually meet gay men or women. When they do actually meet they don’t know how to act around them.. And it ends up being embarrassing for everyone involved. They are people like us… they smile, laugh, cry, hurt the same way as we do.

And these preconceived notions against them are the worst.. Who says gay guys are more sentimental then straight ones? What makes you assume they like boy bands and not heavy metal? The movie DOSTANA was a joke.. It wasn’t one to open the minds of the public but one to make them more prejudiced by giving them a stereotypic behaviour…

And the laws which deem such relationships to be illegal make it even more difficult for the public to accept them... After all if the government cannot recognize them then why should the public? Although when gay activists in India agitate for repealing Article 377 I wonder if they are being counterproductive. If they insist on being seen and heard, we as a society will be compelled to confront them and take a stand

Homosexuality as a concept has been accepted and has existed ever since the days of the greek philosopher Plato.. (The word “platonic” to explain a nonsexual relationship between a man and a woman is an example). There is awareness of forms of alternate sexuality that have long been part of Indian society, like the hijra community. There is acceptance of this, but it comes with very definite prejudices some of which are extended to the gay community.

My friend warned me against writing about this… this is because he thinks that once people read this they would assume I was gay too.. I don’t really care… people can think what they want.. But the heart of the matter is that there is gross injustice meted out to them and they don’t deserve it.. We are born the way we are.. To force someone to change their identity to fit in with the norms of the society is definitely not acceptable.

All that went wrong with the media!!

2008-12-09T22:21:00.001+05:30

Anyone else getting annoyed by referring to the Mumbai massacre as India’s 9/11?? Am asking this because each time I see it on television I get so angry… Our media cannot even at this juncture keep drawing parallels between us and the United States. Some time back the attack on the parliament was our 9/11 and before that the suburban train attack in Mumbai..

As news of the unfolding Mumbai terror attacks spread countrywide, shock and horror was the reaction of the entire country. But soon this empathy began to be a TRP bonanza for India’s electronic media. It became a battle on who was “sabse teez” on giving information ( no they don’t care if their info is obsolutely correct).. The info on the second attack on CST giving for god’s sake twitter as the source was the worst.. Did they stop to think how many people who might have been traveling by train at that moment would have family worrying at home??

If you had followed the reports of the attack on the various “reporting live” you might have noticed one thing. The attack on the CST was just not given importance. While a list of all the celebs and all those important people who were in the TAJ or the OBEROI or the (lets face it its not like all of us can afford it) the CST attack where 52 people were killed was always mentioned as an after thought. It seems to me that the media as usual cares more about the privileged over the common man.

Im sure you saw the various celb interviews who expressed their utmost sorrow against this attack on the hub of India. Is a statement from Amitab Bachan on how he hid a gun under his pillow before he went to bed supposed to inspire all of us?? Or those exclusive from a top US Television channel brought to us live by our very own media where Brad Pitt extends his support to all Indians going to make ANY difference in our lives???

Why not interview all those hotel attenders who warned the guests to stay in their rooms and turn off all lights?? Why not give the spotlight to the announcer in CST who had the presence of mind to warn all passengers not to alight from the train? What about the constable who put his life at risk to save the scores of passengers walking onto the platform by warning them? They are the real heroes… It sets an example for how normal “junta” can act in times of terror and probably make a difference.

To top it all off… here is the news from TIMES a couple of days back…. The editor seems to think we are all interested in what is the menu that is served to the captured terrorist.. Apparently he wants more of Non vegetarian food… But excuse me Mr. Editor… who cares??

the wedding mania

2008-11-19T18:28:00.003+05:30

Typical reaction from parent when their kid turns 20 is

if its a girl: oh god we better start getting jewelry for her wedding.. our Lil girl is growing up

if its a boy: okay he has a yr to go and then he better get atleast a partial scholarship to go do his MS. ( You should listen to surya's dialogue in Vaaranam ayiram on this issue.. its hilarious.. but well ill make the MS issue my next blog)

Being a girl im going to concentrate on the gettin married part... A couple of my friends are engaged to be married.. if u see the exorbitant amount of money that goes into this whole wedding business you would be shocked. im sorry im still not able to wrap my head around it.

i agree tat marriage is a cause for celebration.. but at such costs? wouldn't it make more sense to give the money to the bride and the groom for their future or something..

I believe in traditions and all.. but tell me what is the point of having a nichayathartham twice ( as in once before and one before the day of the marriage)...
And dont even get me started on the whole janavasam stuff.. the poor groom in tat really slow car with pesky kids sittin around bickering...

The cost of feeding a sizable crowd for four meals is around 3 lakhs.. add the cost of renting the mandapam.. Add on the cost of transport, accommodation with the basic amenities and you are at 5-6 lakhs.

And why on earth should the bride have so many sarees.. what is the point?? I dont see her using most of those sarees.. My brother pointed out sometime back at another brother's engagement that his wife's sarees bought for her wedding were too grand for such a function.. My mother who has been married 22 yrs probably hasn't worn most of her wedding sarees more than five or six times..Its just neatly pressed and kept in the cupboard.And most importantly the cost of all the clothing purchased runs upto another lakh or two..

I understand the idea of thambulam but why be obliged to give that useless piece of blouse bit.. or some fancy Ganesha doll which i assure you is being handed out the next navarathiri.. The shopkeepers should have a return an undamaged blouse bit for money business. Would probably make a fortune out of it..

Then the reception.. why "Kutcheri"...Who is listening??? not more than 25 people.. I like carnatic music but in the wedding hall no...how is one supposed to enjoy the music with a zillion people chattering around...its just wasting money for what? Prestige? To say that famous singer was at my son/daughter's wedding?

Finally the jewelery..atleast that i concede are an asset and gold rarely ever loses value.. But what i concur from all this is you cant possibly have wedding if you dont have ten lakhs bank balance.

Dont you think its better to have a quiet ceremony in a temple and then have reception and get over with it???

science n religion

2008-10-15T21:10:00.001+05:30

Well I know we started with marriage but we seemed to get into an argument abt science and religion.. Shanks the “matter” you are talking abt when broken down is protons neutrons and electrons- Science. I am not saying I am all science and not religion. For me science is religion..

“Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.” This is Einstein’s quote by which I stand 100%. I am not “pitting Science against Religion all the time to create a war of sorts” all im trying to convey is that concepts of religion can be proven scientifically. I am going to try hard to not sound nerdy and put u all to sleep 

For starters, the whole “karma” concept when broken down is just your law of returns or your law or averages, everything in this world balances out. Did u know that all that religion propagates- love, belief, hope are being traced today to the DNA. Now is where u raise the question “How do murderers be born to nice people?” that can be explained by epigenetics (interested ? wiki it).

Secondly I don’t know if ur familiar with the whole “mannagi kallagi puzhuvagi” concept in Hinduism wat is it if not Darwin’s evolution theory. I don’t know much about other religions but I can assure you Hinduism is firmly rooted in science.

Most of us consider a baby that’s born a miracle. I agree. But if u look in detail at the whole process of development you can see how it is so exquisitely controlled by both the mother’s body and later on the baby’s own brain, again science.

Have u ever heard of a visceral bond, the innate need of us to defend our own. The reason why a brother would stand up for his sister, the reason why a mother knows what her child needs even when the child cannot speak for himself. All this is ingrained in the DNA.

The only basic difference I can find between science and religion is this.

Science says, I have evidences now let's see what conclusions we can get outta them while Religion says, here are some conclusions, now what evidence can we find to support them? It’s just the way u interpret the whole thing.

And I admit there are a lot of things we cannot explain today. I would say it still can be explained scientifically but we are yet to evolve to understand them.

Finally arvi for everything u have a basis in science….. Not claiming to know even an iota abt finance but everything has a logic behind it.. if religion can be explained with science why not finance : P

which one is it?

2008-10-11T19:43:00.001+05:30

Sometimes I hate growing up. I have a niece and a nephew, a couple of my good friends are married, one of them even has a kid. All this makes me feel am really old. Most of the girls in my age face the same issue, with almost everyone “so how much more days of freedom do you get?”.

Which brings us to the topic MARRIAGE. The age old debate arranged marriage or love marriage. Despite the fact that I belong to a typical tam bram family ive seen both the kinds in my family. One was joyously welcomed the other was grudgingly accepted.

My friend is going through this whole process of getting the right “marriage partner” and I find this whole process more structured and streamlined than applying for a job.

In a typical arranged marriage a lot of issues are considered. By typical I mean all the various equations like caste, culture, language, age, sub caste, family status, educational qualifications etc are considered. So basically you not only marry the other person but an entire family which is good in an overall view of things.

However one thing that I don’t understand is how on earth do you decide if you vibe with the other person in like wat a week? Yea I agree you get a lot more time after the engagement n all but you cant really go back and say ok this is not the right person for me. The family would freak out.

In this case i agree love marriages make sense, im talking about those wherein you have enough time to know the other person not the ones where there is apparently “love at first sight.” But being an all “bio” person I agree with the fact “everything comes down to hormones.” Like my good friend S pointed out in MOST love marriages it’s the physical attraction that causes the first contact and she feels arranged marriages make more sense coz u first bond intellectually.i agree.

So where do I stand?? Honestly I don’t really know. Its all confusing. Both have their pros and cons.Please leave your views.

Just one suggestion : can we match the horoscopes of the mother in law and daughter in law :P. it would probably save us all from the torture that is the serials..

those wonderful days...

2008-08-03T19:55:00.001+05:30

:) bak after a long time… today being friendship day n all… I personally am against all these “days”.. they are just ways for our Baristas, CCDs, Archies to make business. Friendship day seems to make sense to me more than Mother’s day, Father’s day, Valentine’s day etc coz we have just one mom n dad n a true love to pay attention to and I think that should be done more than once a year. But you can never have enough friends right, and its almost impossible to keep in touch with everyone.

I hate those really senti so called poetry which go…. “ill be there with soup when ur sick, catch you if you fall, to help you out when you are in a depressed well, if ur upset ill be there to wipe your tears” here is my version …. Catch me if I fall not likely mostly coz ull end up falling with me coz im bigger than most of my friends :).. if my friends are depressed I will tell them horrible stories about how much worse it could be until they quit whining… and if your sick stay away from me I don wana catch wat u have.. if your upset well come on gives us both an excuse to eat more of DBCs..

I think on this day more than going out and having fun we should actually think about those wonderful times we have had with our friends. Whatever said and done it is your friend who often understands how u feel more than your family probably because of the same age nd the same peer pressure n all… plus its fun to remember those insane things that u did…

This year however in addition to all those wonderful memories I am thinking of some people with who u click so well n hope u never lose em as friends but something happens you never understand whose fault it is and we end up being ppl who are mere acquaintances n worse ppl who cannot even acknowledge each other.

Not to sound so depressing but yea comin bak to those fun times.. what is the one insane most stupid but awesome thing u ever did with ya friends?? Mine is the time when I was in my first yr of college when lik a gang of 6 of us in order to celebrate our passage from school to college, went out for a ride in the ECR at insane speeds (thank god im older n wiser) got caught in the heaviest of rains n without a care in the world ended up goin neck deep in water without a care in the world.. foolish ya.. but still makes me smile when I think of it :) im sure such memos are bound to make any of u smile :D…do leave comments on ur experiences..

constant ripples..

2008-06-15T16:49:00.003+05:30

It's all so uncertain

trying to settle on unsteady water

constant ripples, changing futures

my life is like water ,flowing from place to place

and my intentions are diminished over time

they say you change,

its inevitable some lights will glow brighter than others.

My life is changing as am I in a million ways

the doors are staring me in the face

but I choose to see past them to the people

that have left me behind,

some--sneering in my face

and I try to no longer feel around them

or put my feelings on mute.

Nothing comes without consequence

so I push it all aside or stare it down,

eventually it fades out

and words lose their meaning

i try to wash the venom from my skin

while i try to heal

the scars become beautiful

suddenly I am something more

im someone who is fighting

whether i win or lose this battle

i atleast know tat i bothered to give it a try.

extended family

2008-06-07T12:40:00.002+05:30

Any tam bram family would definitely have a ambi mama , a baby perippa and a nana athimber ( no particular reference to anyone) . And these people are set to make the life of the nextgen as difficult as possible. Despite their good intentions questions like "When are you planning on getting married?" "How much will u earn when u get a job?" "How well can you cook?" makes u dearly wish tat you had the powers to apparate. More importantly you dont really know the answers to those questions.

If you get into a conversation with a bonafide tam bram you will realise that in a tam bram family mathematics, physics and chemistry are not merely subjects in the school curriculum. It is a religion. Biology is allowed , but only if you are going to be a doctor. And the "tharaka manthiram" of every Tam Bram student is to master them and pave his way through the gates of an IIT, AIIMS, or atleast Anna university. If you are not particularly brilliant you are begrudgingly allowed to get yourself admitted into the local engineering colleges.

So when a decent scoring student like me decided to take up BSc there where hues and cries of "what is wrong with you?" " you will never get paid enough". I battled through but this was easier mainly because i am a girl. If any of you can point out a tam bram guy of this gen who is say a economist, historian, fashion designer id be suprised.

All these things always make me want to keep em at a distance.. Recently i had a change of perspective . Not tat ive lived long but barely escaping with your life intact makes you think. I am very expressive with word but not with emotions. Ive always liked to deal with anger, hurt or grief on my own. But my elder bro pointed out that it was not our "indian" way. And i realise he is perfectly rite..

They may yell at you, tease you to death, bore you with mundane details, but they are there the minute you need them.One thing that amazes is tat you dont even have to be directly related. Still they treat you like their own. My sister in law who i know for barely a year helped me as if i were her own sister.She and my brother made me realize that family is a circle where we learn to like ourselves ,where we learn to make good decisions. Most of all family is a place where we listen and are listened to....

love at first sight..

2008-05-29T18:49:00.004+05:30

So am sitting at this coffee place n my friend M is spouting off about the love of her life.. she said it was "love at first sight" and that they were "made for each other". I would have understood "attraction at first sight" (to put it more delicately). But love??? really?? tat too when you are 21??? i am a cynic i agree but i think most of u would agree there can never be love at first sight.

But M protested.. She said she had all the signs.. "You get nervous, start to shake, heart beats faster, a heat wave passes through you making you blush or ears red & your blood starts to boil making it impossible to breathe." I fail to see how this indicates that she was in love.... This is just biochemistry. an upsurge of hormones really....

Basically the dopamine produces a feeling of bliss and the adrenaline produces the racing heart and excitement. So these two chemicals produce elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention.

Her argument is tat the fundamental mistake in denying the existence of love at first sight is the assumption that we cannot attribute to a person characteristics that are not present at first sight. Such attribution is done spontaneously by using certain stereotypical evaluations. But i say if going on stereotypical nature, love at first sight can often mislead as it is based more on imagination than on sight.

As far as am concerned love is something tat develops slowly... months ...years you never know..

Now if u said love at first sight for this... ill completly and totally agree .... :)

Im looking forward to your comments.. while we are on the subject.. with ppl falling for online romance ...love at first byte anyone??:P

NUMB

2008-05-15T19:28:00.001+05:30

I heard tat the best way of healing is to deal with the pain. i know the blog i wrote is depressing but there you go.. another one.. before you deal with pain i personally feel we go thru a period of numbness. Here is somethin that was penned down when i was in this haze..

I feel it approaching
out of the deep dark alley
I see it first just as a straw in the hay
It is a silent threat, not heard only felt
Like the storm you see quietly but forcefully
dancing on the horizon.

When i look inside,

I find what i dint know i had

I find things that i have forgotten

I used to mend quite easily, not

Knowing that there was

more to the scars than healing.

Sometimes i wonder what’s worse
The sorrow, that empty hollow feeling,

What’s worse? the pain gnawing

Through your bones or the feeling of numbness

which seeps through your bones into those crevices

That you didn’t know you had.

Just remember never let it come so close
That you can feel the mist upon you
Because the second you don't realize
That is the second it grabs a hold on you.

Can it happen to you??

2008-05-07T10:43:00.001+05:30

Sometimes we move through life without paying much attention to what is happening around us..The more we hear abougt pain , death, torture the more we become immune to such news. Im not trying to say we have become hard hearted, we have learnt not to let such issues bother us. There have been many instances in which i have blamed the victims for acting without common sense or being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

But when horrible things happen to you, you realise that at certain instances there is nothing you can do. You may think that wat you made was a good judgement call, you can think "i live in this protected bubble" no one is going to hurt me.. But at the end of the day you realise it is not in your hands. Things can change in a matter of few mins and the only thought that remains in your head is "Why me?". After you have time to process if not accept what happened you try to take a positive outlook and ask yourself "Why not me?"

Ya although am very well known about my pessimistic outlook one thing i believe in is you always get only what you can handle. So probably you would have been able to handle the situation better than someone else. More importantly one thing that i have learnt to do is face my fears.

Do things that would not only help you in the process of healing but also would prevent the same thing from happening to another. I am not some teenager who thinks we should do a "Yuva" or "Be a Rebel" but if you think you can do something to do something to protect either you or the people around you do it. However hard it is i think that would be the only way you can actually get over what happens to you. Lets please stop being so immune what is happening around us for you never know it can happen to you.

Sometimes men make better companions..

2008-04-29T20:16:00.000+05:30

I was out yesterday with a few of my friends. i was supposed to meet them at Ispahani.. it was a mixed gang 5 gals and 4 guys.. general catch up talk over a cup of coffee. Although i love hanging out with my gal pals sometimes its much easier to talk it out with dudes.. here are those few rare moments :)

1. you can talk abt jargon like coverdrive, throttle speed, offside without the other person looking at you as though you are talking Greek or Latin

2. They can never spot those nanosized tiny wrinkles on your clothes so you are safe.

3. They carry the same wallet and use the same pair of shoes. So you don have to worry about them wondering if your clothes and your footwear match.

4. You dont have to walk slowly through the mall and look at those 101 shops when you are with em (which are extremely over pricey and your never gonna buy those stuff). So why bother?!!?

5. You can honestly say that they have tanned or gained weight, without the other guys asking you to be more sensitive.

6. You can actually mention names of those really good sportsmen who are not good looking and you dont get questions lik" wats the point if he is not even hot!!"

7. It is very easy to get them gifts.. your choice is very limited..T-Shirts, watches or wallets.

8. They have hairstyles which lasts for many years. So you can be safe from comments like "why dont you straighten your hair"

9. You can play games like FIFA on the comp without them wondering how you get that hand eye coordination.

10. You dont get questions like what is the big diff all cars and bikes seem the same to me :)

11. Finally my FAVOURITE.. The icing on the cake :) If you are a gal you always can make em agree to what you want.. :P

Is it chauvinism or chivalry??

2008-04-21T19:10:00.001+05:30

“Oh God! He was a total and complete MCP” declared P. Curious I wanted to know who she was so mad at. And then she declares “Most men are MCPs.. They are a breed of pompous opinionated brats!”. Which I do not agree with but this conversation set my brain in motion.

This is not an isolated incident.. I know a lot of women who call all the men they hate as MCPs.. So intrigued I asked people their definition of an MCP..

Most people came up with the fact tat an MCP is a person who has a problem accepting the capabilities of a woman, her ability to outshine her colleagues who are often men. I am not sayin I am for men who domineer over women. But sometimes this term has been used very loosely (for the want of a better word). Many of my friends mistake chivalry for chauvinism. They call men who open car doors or pull up chairs as chauvinists.

Some of them were happy to point out tat they do not want chivalry in men. They want to be treated as an equal. If so I have a couple of questions for you people. If you say you are equal to men in all ways then y dedicate a separate day for women? Do you have an equivalent men’s day? If you do not expect chivalry then why do you expect them to foot the tab every time you go out with a guy? If he doesn’t foot the bill all by himself he is called a loser..

Another observation.. I agree there are a lot of male chauvinists but don’t we have female equivalents? Logically, FCP! Female Chauvinistic Pig! But just to offer a variety, FCS? Female Chauvinistic Swine? LOL!!!

Now my friends let the comments begin. The ball is in your court; or should I say, the pig is in your sty :P

Travel in 5B

2008-04-11T10:13:00.000+05:30

"im afraid we have to go home by bus!!" declared my friend D. We had just been to the kabalishwarar temple in mylapore and her car wouldn't start. It was around 5 45 pm and there was a huge crowd at the bus stop.

"it looks like its going to rain" I said. She just raised an eyebrow. "We can always take an auto" I helpfully added. "High maintenance" was the reply.

She turned to me and said "just because you are going to travel in a public transport does not mean that you are going to be mauled brutally and killed or something"..

After having heard tat I had no chance but to embark on this dangerous journey. A huge bus (5B) came to a screeching halt and I could scarcely conceal a shudder when I saw the crowd packed inside. "See you later", I said in what I hoped was a cheerful tone.

I was plunging in through a sea of people, when a stout lady plummeted some (probably 100 kg) of her weight against me and made her way in with undaunted enthusiasm. While I was doing gymnastics on the footboard the bus moved. My only thought at that moment, to make my way inside and I would be eternally grateful to all the gods of the world.

I passed the money for the ticket and it went from hand to hand …….. I knew I had to be patient and wait like maybe 500 years! Finally there it was that little green piece of sheet. As I stretched out my hand to grab it a shrill piercing voice in my ears "eeeekkk!! U stepped on my toes.. Probably injured me for life!!"… as I tried to wriggle myself out of there. I heard the voice go "you did it again!"….

Good grief! Through a confused blur I found myself losing my balance… it was the vegetable vendor who peered at me worriedly and asked "you dint land on anything did you!" Touched by her concern I said "no just the floor!" "Thank goodness.. Otherwise the tomatoes would have been crushed!" was the reply….

Grrrhhh!!! Someone taps me on the shoulder and asks me to pass a piece of paper to the girl standing in front of me.. turns out it is a love letter. The girl looks at me and says " you don't have to do courier service for thugs!". A small kid starts wailing in my ear. I revealed my charming 32 in a vicious snarl and the mother beams back at me.

Another eternity later I hopped out of the bus and it didn't take me long to realize I got down in the previous stop. When I reached home all battered and bruised, I felt a wave of pity for divya Visions of D painfully tormented in the bus haunted me. I called her up.

"Hi!" said a sinfully cheerful voice. "Guess what! After you left my manni happened to come by and she dropped me home in 5 mins. Great huh!"

"You… what?. I thought u liked to travel by bus!!!" I yelled.

"Oh! I don think I would have made it. Unlike you I am very delicate you know, and am hardly used to that sort of thing" was the reply.

Grrrrrr!!!! Some people do lead charming lives..

IYER MAMIES..BEST MEGA SERIAL SCRIPT WRITERS..

2008-04-07T19:32:00.000+05:30

After being pestered by most of my friends to start blogging… I thought this time I should really give it a serious try…

All of us hear abt the world shrinking.. And tat the entire world is one big happy family..and how with once incident ppl make a mega serial.. i never realised this until this very unfortunate incident happened to one of my friends….

First the background: R was at kabali temple with a frnd ( who is not a gal btw).. and yea was spotted by three nosy mamies..

nosy mami 1: ahh isnt that S’s daughter?

nosy mami 2: ama ama.. avale than.... etho payyan oda suthiduruka.. enaku ava perimma va nanna theriyum.. kelvi patta romba kashta paduva..( mm for the benefit of those who cant understand my tanglish will stick to englipish)
nosy mami 3: mayb her classmate or somethin.. lets not make a big deal out of this.. coz of us there shouldnt b any prob in her family..
nosy mami 1 and 2 nod in agreement at this apparent piece of wisdom.. R on the other hand.. happily chattin away without the knowledge of the scotland yard on her bak...

now nosy mami 3 goes to her native and meets my frnds mom's classmate..
nosy mami 3: i saw ur frnd's daughter.. the other day in the temple.. how chamathu S was ella? ana ava ponnu ponnu cha cha.. going around the city with some guy... i saw her in the temple.. holding hands with one guy.. romba mosam....
frnd: aiyoo... S ka epidi nadakanum.. cha entha kalathu ponnunga...

and wont u know.. her mami who lives in the same native runs into this frnd in the temple..
frnd: S ponnu pathi ennalamo kelvi patten.. romba oru sutharalam.. beach cinema and temple lan poralam.. ethellam entha age la common.. first eh pesi cut pannidanum.. nan en payanuku kekalam nenachen ( good riddance... y would she want to marry a guy from some village is beyond me..)
mami: apdiya.. eppove poi pesaren nan..

immediate phone to madras...
mami: un ponnu panrathu nalla ella.. whole family manam podhu.... cha cha... yaru lamo vanthu kekaranga... etho payanoda sutharalam.. yaro pathangalam bike la lam poralam enna ethu..
amma: oh manni apidiya? nan pesaren ava kita..

now is where she comes home…. She walks in to the house.. after havin gone grocery shoppin… her appa and amma at the table.. Looking extremely grim.. her lil bro asked to go to his room
appa: yaru avan? ooru suthariyan? lov nu ethavutha? padikariya ellaya? u have disappointed me.. ( blah blah dad usual speech)
amma: enna panuven nan.. how will i face the rest of the family... ( same mage serial amma sentiment)...

she had to calm them down.. explain that she did not go on a bike.. or to a movie or cinema.. only to the temple.. with a frnd.. ( with over stress) then had to retrack how this whole issue came up..and found out how the story is blown out of proportion

moral of the story : do not go to the temple with a guy as the iyer mamis are better than police dogs....