drifting along..

I search through days that have been hard
To try to understand
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily life
So confident and strong
Yet when I am alone,
I question just where I belong
I often try too hard I find
To analyze and guess
To scrutinize investigate
My life I will confess
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me tomorrow
And yet i fail to realise
What happens to me today
It seems the harder that I try
To focus through the haze
Just serves to add more questions
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard
To understand it all
For can we ever truly know
Just what will really happen
Each incident each moment passed
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken
And confused as I feel now.

Why the discrimination?

So today a really good friend of mine and me walked down to the beach … There was a bunch of people who were looking at us really weirdly… why? Coz my friend was wearing baby pink tracks and carrying a pale blue balloon.. Now why would that be weird??? Well my friend is a guy..

We passed this group of college boys who yelled “hey homo!”... Why does it bother you who goes around wearing what? Comment on it in private but to actually be so cruel about it.. I wanted to pick a bone with those guys but my friend said it wasn’t worth it and he was getting used to it.

Our society is not a very open minded even about things like live in relationships, sex before marriage, women visiting pubs.. Why even a simple coffee date… so there is no way they will ever accept homosexuality..

There are many open minded people I know who say “hey im cool with it” unless they actually meet gay men or women. When they do actually meet they don’t know how to act around them.. And it ends up being embarrassing for everyone involved. They are people like us… they smile, laugh, cry, hurt the same way as we do.

And these preconceived notions against them are the worst.. Who says gay guys are more sentimental then straight ones? What makes you assume they like boy bands and not heavy metal? The movie DOSTANA was a joke.. It wasn’t one to open the minds of the public but one to make them more prejudiced by giving them a stereotypic behaviour…

And the laws which deem such relationships to be illegal make it even more difficult for the public to accept them... After all if the government cannot recognize them then why should the public? Although when gay activists in India agitate for repealing Article 377 I wonder if they are being counterproductive. If they insist on being seen and heard, we as a society will be compelled to confront them and take a stand

Homosexuality as a concept has been accepted and has existed ever since the days of the greek philosopher Plato.. (The word “platonic” to explain a nonsexual relationship between a man and a woman is an example). There is awareness of forms of alternate sexuality that have long been part of Indian society, like the hijra community. There is acceptance of this, but it comes with very definite prejudices some of which are extended to the gay community.

My friend warned me against writing about this… this is because he thinks that once people read this they would assume I was gay too.. I don’t really care… people can think what they want.. But the heart of the matter is that there is gross injustice meted out to them and they don’t deserve it.. We are born the way we are.. To force someone to change their identity to fit in with the norms of the society is definitely not acceptable.

All that went wrong with the media!!

Anyone else getting annoyed by referring to the Mumbai massacre as India’s 9/11?? Am asking this because each time I see it on television I get so angry… Our media cannot even at this juncture keep drawing parallels between us and the United States. Some time back the attack on the parliament was our 9/11 and before that the suburban train attack in Mumbai..

As news of the unfolding Mumbai terror attacks spread countrywide, shock and horror was the reaction of the entire country. But soon this empathy began to be a TRP bonanza for India’s electronic media. It became a battle on who was “sabse teez” on giving information ( no they don’t care if their info is obsolutely correct).. The info on the second attack on CST giving for god’s sake twitter as the source was the worst.. Did they stop to think how many people who might have been traveling by train at that moment would have family worrying at home??

If you had followed the reports of the attack on the various “reporting live” you might have noticed one thing. The attack on the CST was just not given importance. While a list of all the celebs and all those important people who were in the TAJ or the OBEROI or the (lets face it its not like all of us can afford it) the CST attack where 52 people were killed was always mentioned as an after thought. It seems to me that the media as usual cares more about the privileged over the common man.

Im sure you saw the various celb interviews who expressed their utmost sorrow against this attack on the hub of India. Is a statement from Amitab Bachan on how he hid a gun under his pillow before he went to bed supposed to inspire all of us?? Or those exclusive from a top US Television channel brought to us live by our very own media where Brad Pitt extends his support to all Indians going to make ANY difference in our lives???

Why not interview all those hotel attenders who warned the guests to stay in their rooms and turn off all lights?? Why not give the spotlight to the announcer in CST who had the presence of mind to warn all passengers not to alight from the train? What about the constable who put his life at risk to save the scores of passengers walking onto the platform by warning them? They are the real heroes… It sets an example for how normal “junta” can act in times of terror and probably make a difference.

To top it all off… here is the news from TIMES a couple of days back…. The editor seems to think we are all interested in what is the menu that is served to the captured terrorist.. Apparently he wants more of Non vegetarian food… But excuse me Mr. Editor… who cares??

the wedding mania

Typical reaction from parent when their kid turns 20 is

if its a girl: oh god we better start getting jewelry for her wedding.. our Lil girl is growing up

if its a boy: okay he has a yr to go and then he better get atleast a partial scholarship to go do his MS. ( You should listen to surya's dialogue in Vaaranam ayiram on this issue.. its hilarious.. but well ill make the MS issue my next blog)

Being a girl im going to concentrate on the gettin married part... A couple of my friends are engaged to be married.. if u see the exorbitant amount of money that goes into this whole wedding business you would be shocked. im sorry im still not able to wrap my head around it.

i agree tat marriage is a cause for celebration.. but at such costs? wouldn't it make more sense to give the money to the bride and the groom for their future or something..

I believe in traditions and all.. but tell me what is the point of having a nichayathartham twice ( as in once before and one before the day of the marriage)...
And dont even get me started on the whole janavasam stuff.. the poor groom in tat really slow car with pesky kids sittin around bickering...

The cost of feeding a sizable crowd for four meals is around 3 lakhs.. add the cost of renting the mandapam.. Add on the cost of transport, accommodation with the basic amenities and you are at 5-6 lakhs.

And why on earth should the bride have so many sarees.. what is the point?? I dont see her using most of those sarees.. My brother pointed out sometime back at another brother's engagement that his wife's sarees bought for her wedding were too grand for such a function.. My mother who has been married 22 yrs probably hasn't worn most of her wedding sarees more than five or six times..Its just neatly pressed and kept in the cupboard.And most importantly the cost of all the clothing purchased runs upto another lakh or two..

I understand the idea of thambulam but why be obliged to give that useless piece of blouse bit.. or some fancy Ganesha doll which i assure you is being handed out the next navarathiri.. The shopkeepers should have a return an undamaged blouse bit for money business. Would probably make a fortune out of it..

Then the reception.. why "Kutcheri"...Who is listening??? not more than 25 people.. I like carnatic music but in the wedding hall no...how is one supposed to enjoy the music with a zillion people chattering around...its just wasting money for what? Prestige? To say that famous singer was at my son/daughter's wedding?

Finally the jewelery..atleast that i concede are an asset and gold rarely ever loses value.. But what i concur from all this is you cant possibly have wedding if you dont have ten lakhs bank balance.

Dont you think its better to have a quiet ceremony in a temple and then have reception and get over with it???

science n religion

Well I know we started with marriage but we seemed to get into an argument abt science and religion.. Shanks the “matter” you are talking abt when broken down is protons neutrons and electrons- Science. I am not saying I am all science and not religion. For me science is religion..

“Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.” This is Einstein’s quote by which I stand 100%. I am not “pitting Science against Religion all the time to create a war of sorts” all im trying to convey is that concepts of religion can be proven scientifically. I am going to try hard to not sound nerdy and put u all to sleep 

For starters, the whole “karma” concept when broken down is just your law of returns or your law or averages, everything in this world balances out. Did u know that all that religion propagates- love, belief, hope are being traced today to the DNA. Now is where u raise the question “How do murderers be born to nice people?” that can be explained by epigenetics (interested ? wiki it).

Secondly I don’t know if ur familiar with the whole “mannagi kallagi puzhuvagi” concept in Hinduism wat is it if not Darwin’s evolution theory. I don’t know much about other religions but I can assure you Hinduism is firmly rooted in science.

Most of us consider a baby that’s born a miracle. I agree. But if u look in detail at the whole process of development you can see how it is so exquisitely controlled by both the mother’s body and later on the baby’s own brain, again science.

Have u ever heard of a visceral bond, the innate need of us to defend our own. The reason why a brother would stand up for his sister, the reason why a mother knows what her child needs even when the child cannot speak for himself. All this is ingrained in the DNA.

The only basic difference I can find between science and religion is this.

Science says, I have evidences now let's see what conclusions we can get outta them while Religion says, here are some conclusions, now what evidence can we find to support them? It’s just the way u interpret the whole thing.

And I admit there are a lot of things we cannot explain today. I would say it still can be explained scientifically but we are yet to evolve to understand them.

Finally arvi for everything u have a basis in science….. Not claiming to know even an iota abt finance but everything has a logic behind it.. if religion can be explained with science why not finance : P

which one is it?

Sometimes I hate growing up. I have a niece and a nephew, a couple of my good friends are married, one of them even has a kid. All this makes me feel am really old. Most of the girls in my age face the same issue, with almost everyone “so how much more days of freedom do you get?”.


Which brings us to the topic MARRIAGE. The age old debate arranged marriage or love marriage. Despite the fact that I belong to a typical tam bram family ive seen both the kinds in my family. One was joyously welcomed the other was grudgingly accepted.


My friend is going through this whole process of getting the right “marriage partner” and I find this whole process more structured and streamlined than applying for a job.

In a typical arranged marriage a lot of issues are considered. By typical I mean all the various equations like caste, culture, language, age, sub caste, family status, educational qualifications etc are considered. So basically you not only marry the other person but an entire family which is good in an overall view of things.


However one thing that I don’t understand is how on earth do you decide if you vibe with the other person in like wat a week? Yea I agree you get a lot more time after the engagement n all but you cant really go back and say ok this is not the right person for me. The family would freak out.


In this case i agree love marriages make sense, im talking about those wherein you have enough time to know the other person not the ones where there is apparently “love at first sight.” But being an all “bio” person I agree with the fact “everything comes down to hormones.” Like my good friend S pointed out in MOST love marriages it’s the physical attraction that causes the first contact and she feels arranged marriages make more sense coz u first bond intellectually.i agree.

So where do I stand?? Honestly I don’t really know. Its all confusing. Both have their pros and cons.Please leave your views.


Just one suggestion : can we match the horoscopes of the mother in law and daughter in law :P. it would probably save us all from the torture that is the serials..

those wonderful days...

:) bak after a long time… today being friendship day n all… I personally am against all these “days”.. they are just ways for our Baristas, CCDs, Archies to make business. Friendship day seems to make sense to me more than Mother’s day, Father’s day, Valentine’s day etc coz we have just one mom n dad n a true love to pay attention to and I think that should be done more than once a year. But you can never have enough friends right, and its almost impossible to keep in touch with everyone.

I hate those really senti so called poetry which go…. “ill be there with soup when ur sick, catch you if you fall, to help you out when you are in a depressed well, if ur upset ill be there to wipe your tears” here is my version …. Catch me if I fall not likely mostly coz ull end up falling with me coz im bigger than most of my friends :).. if my friends are depressed I will tell them horrible stories about how much worse it could be until they quit whining… and if your sick stay away from me I don wana catch wat u have.. if your upset well come on gives us both an excuse to eat more of DBCs..

I think on this day more than going out and having fun we should actually think about those wonderful times we have had with our friends. Whatever said and done it is your friend who often understands how u feel more than your family probably because of the same age nd the same peer pressure n all… plus its fun to remember those insane things that u did…

This year however in addition to all those wonderful memories I am thinking of some people with who u click so well n hope u never lose em as friends but something happens you never understand whose fault it is and we end up being ppl who are mere acquaintances n worse ppl who cannot even acknowledge each other.

Not to sound so depressing but yea comin bak to those fun times.. what is the one insane most stupid but awesome thing u ever did with ya friends?? Mine is the time when I was in my first yr of college when lik a gang of 6 of us in order to celebrate our passage from school to college, went out for a ride in the ECR at insane speeds (thank god im older n wiser) got caught in the heaviest of rains n without a care in the world ended up goin neck deep in water without a care in the world.. foolish ya.. but still makes me smile when I think of it :) im sure such memos are bound to make any of u smile :D…do leave comments on ur experiences..