Climb the walls of insanity,
Ride the waves of despair.
If you fall it don't matter
There's no one to care.

Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.

Hide the pain, carry on,
Routine is the key.
Don't let on that you're not,
What you're pretending to be.

Lock it all up inside you,
How badly that bodes.
Look out for that one day,
When it all just explodes.

Leaving naught but a shell,
Base functionality too.
But killing all else,
That was uniquely you.

So how do you grow,
With a timebomb inside?
Or how to defuse it,
Without destroying its ride?

You can't. It will finally destroy you!

Moments - Part 1

They say, when you are eighteen, you have to fall in love with someone. She never thought it would ever happen to her. But still, there was something about that dude that was bothering her. He was not among the most charming guys in the gang. He was not even suave or funny. In fact he was kind of broody and Heathcliff like. Maybe it was his frankness and casual attitude that attracted her – she didn’t know for sure. There was one thing that sent electric shock across her body – his smile. Edison didn’t invent any formulae to calculate how much this version of electricity could affect people!

She had spoken with him a couple of times but each time she found out to her dismay that of all words available in the English language, she could recollect only ten or fifteen words! All grammatical rules broke down when she looked into his eyes. Her friends made fun of her , the class debate champion couldn’t string ten words together to make comprehensive sentences.

She didn’t have the courage to go and talk to him about her feelings. She knew he would never go for her. She was plain , pudgy and kinda dorky. To her he was perfection. She would never be able to handle a rejection. She loved hanging out with him. She decided it was better to forget all this and be his friend.

Years went by she went on to become a librarian and he a lawyer. They remained very close friends even though they lived quite apart. She helped him through a bad break-up. He was there when she lost her job. He soon found a job back in his home town.

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They were travelling by bus. They had taken to going to temples together every week. Looking out the window, she realized her head was beginning to ache. It was ridiculous really, she thought. Why was this so difficult? She thought she was over it. Over him. She glanced down at his large hand. Would he ever hold her hand in his? He could so easily reach out and touch her hand right now. Things had changed between them, hadn’t they? He didn’t treat her like that kid he used to hang out with.

He was lost in thought. She was different. He knew she had a crush on him when she was a kid. But now things had changed, he was certain of that. But he was uncertain of exactly what those changes meant. He knew she was just as happy as him to have him as her friend. But did he want them to be something more?

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His car broke down on his way back home. The car had to be towed. He could take a bus back home. But he pulled out his cell phone and called her. He didn’t think if the reasoning was right. He didn’t think if she would mind coming out here to get him. She came without hesitation.

The drive back was silent. They were both lost in thoughts. He realized how much he depended on her. How much he needed her. They reached his apartment. She gave him the slow half smile that

was so much a part of her. The smile that accelerated his heartbeat. Without thinking he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

She turned to him and said “ I think ive had feelings for u, for a really longtime.”

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Objectivism - Fountainhead

I recently re-read it, and it was a very different entity than the one I recall reading at fourteen. All I really remembered was the red-haired Roark, naked on a cliff, spurned and individualistic, doing Peter Keating's homework, and having an incomprehensible but weirdly fascinating affair with someone named Dominique.

However when i read it now i look at it differently.I know a lot of people who admire Roark’s persistent moral courage, I personally am quite critical of his stubbornness and self righteous obsession. Roark says Happiness is self-contained and self-sufficient, and this seems to be the insurmountable obstacle I have with Rand's philosophy. Is being happy really that simple?

At his closing statement at the trial Roark says "Only by living for himself was man able to achieve the glories of mankind" .I disagree. Almost every great invention I can think of was created with others in mind. It seems to me that Rand has created a character who cannot exist in this world.

So according to Rand the only way one can find true happiness is by following one's own ambition single mindedly with no regard for what others think about it. Can one live in society that way?

The manipulative nature of Ellsworth Toohey leads to his downfall; The parasitism of Keating results in his mental breakdown; and the power cravings of Wynard make him powerless. Wynand fails because he is seduced by his need for the great volume of readers. However despite all this they seem more real to me than Roark. They were driven by vices of human nature. As far as i am concerned every man has his faults, even fictional ones.

Perhaps I can't get behind objectivism because I have too little faith in the human race to do anything without an incentive. Or perhaps it's because I can't see people as individual units,. I wholeheartedly believe that the way we define ourselves is not by what we think of ourselves, but how we treat other people.