All that went wrong with the media!!

Anyone else getting annoyed by referring to the Mumbai massacre as India’s 9/11?? Am asking this because each time I see it on television I get so angry… Our media cannot even at this juncture keep drawing parallels between us and the United States. Some time back the attack on the parliament was our 9/11 and before that the suburban train attack in Mumbai..

As news of the unfolding Mumbai terror attacks spread countrywide, shock and horror was the reaction of the entire country. But soon this empathy began to be a TRP bonanza for India’s electronic media. It became a battle on who was “sabse teez” on giving information ( no they don’t care if their info is obsolutely correct).. The info on the second attack on CST giving for god’s sake twitter as the source was the worst.. Did they stop to think how many people who might have been traveling by train at that moment would have family worrying at home??

If you had followed the reports of the attack on the various “reporting live” you might have noticed one thing. The attack on the CST was just not given importance. While a list of all the celebs and all those important people who were in the TAJ or the OBEROI or the (lets face it its not like all of us can afford it) the CST attack where 52 people were killed was always mentioned as an after thought. It seems to me that the media as usual cares more about the privileged over the common man.

Im sure you saw the various celb interviews who expressed their utmost sorrow against this attack on the hub of India. Is a statement from Amitab Bachan on how he hid a gun under his pillow before he went to bed supposed to inspire all of us?? Or those exclusive from a top US Television channel brought to us live by our very own media where Brad Pitt extends his support to all Indians going to make ANY difference in our lives???

Why not interview all those hotel attenders who warned the guests to stay in their rooms and turn off all lights?? Why not give the spotlight to the announcer in CST who had the presence of mind to warn all passengers not to alight from the train? What about the constable who put his life at risk to save the scores of passengers walking onto the platform by warning them? They are the real heroes… It sets an example for how normal “junta” can act in times of terror and probably make a difference.

To top it all off… here is the news from TIMES a couple of days back…. The editor seems to think we are all interested in what is the menu that is served to the captured terrorist.. Apparently he wants more of Non vegetarian food… But excuse me Mr. Editor… who cares??

the wedding mania

Typical reaction from parent when their kid turns 20 is

if its a girl: oh god we better start getting jewelry for her wedding.. our Lil girl is growing up

if its a boy: okay he has a yr to go and then he better get atleast a partial scholarship to go do his MS. ( You should listen to surya's dialogue in Vaaranam ayiram on this issue.. its hilarious.. but well ill make the MS issue my next blog)

Being a girl im going to concentrate on the gettin married part... A couple of my friends are engaged to be married.. if u see the exorbitant amount of money that goes into this whole wedding business you would be shocked. im sorry im still not able to wrap my head around it.

i agree tat marriage is a cause for celebration.. but at such costs? wouldn't it make more sense to give the money to the bride and the groom for their future or something..

I believe in traditions and all.. but tell me what is the point of having a nichayathartham twice ( as in once before and one before the day of the marriage)...
And dont even get me started on the whole janavasam stuff.. the poor groom in tat really slow car with pesky kids sittin around bickering...

The cost of feeding a sizable crowd for four meals is around 3 lakhs.. add the cost of renting the mandapam.. Add on the cost of transport, accommodation with the basic amenities and you are at 5-6 lakhs.

And why on earth should the bride have so many sarees.. what is the point?? I dont see her using most of those sarees.. My brother pointed out sometime back at another brother's engagement that his wife's sarees bought for her wedding were too grand for such a function.. My mother who has been married 22 yrs probably hasn't worn most of her wedding sarees more than five or six times..Its just neatly pressed and kept in the cupboard.And most importantly the cost of all the clothing purchased runs upto another lakh or two..

I understand the idea of thambulam but why be obliged to give that useless piece of blouse bit.. or some fancy Ganesha doll which i assure you is being handed out the next navarathiri.. The shopkeepers should have a return an undamaged blouse bit for money business. Would probably make a fortune out of it..

Then the reception.. why "Kutcheri"...Who is listening??? not more than 25 people.. I like carnatic music but in the wedding hall no...how is one supposed to enjoy the music with a zillion people chattering around...its just wasting money for what? Prestige? To say that famous singer was at my son/daughter's wedding?

Finally the jewelery..atleast that i concede are an asset and gold rarely ever loses value.. But what i concur from all this is you cant possibly have wedding if you dont have ten lakhs bank balance.

Dont you think its better to have a quiet ceremony in a temple and then have reception and get over with it???

science n religion

Well I know we started with marriage but we seemed to get into an argument abt science and religion.. Shanks the “matter” you are talking abt when broken down is protons neutrons and electrons- Science. I am not saying I am all science and not religion. For me science is religion..

“Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.” This is Einstein’s quote by which I stand 100%. I am not “pitting Science against Religion all the time to create a war of sorts” all im trying to convey is that concepts of religion can be proven scientifically. I am going to try hard to not sound nerdy and put u all to sleep 

For starters, the whole “karma” concept when broken down is just your law of returns or your law or averages, everything in this world balances out. Did u know that all that religion propagates- love, belief, hope are being traced today to the DNA. Now is where u raise the question “How do murderers be born to nice people?” that can be explained by epigenetics (interested ? wiki it).

Secondly I don’t know if ur familiar with the whole “mannagi kallagi puzhuvagi” concept in Hinduism wat is it if not Darwin’s evolution theory. I don’t know much about other religions but I can assure you Hinduism is firmly rooted in science.

Most of us consider a baby that’s born a miracle. I agree. But if u look in detail at the whole process of development you can see how it is so exquisitely controlled by both the mother’s body and later on the baby’s own brain, again science.

Have u ever heard of a visceral bond, the innate need of us to defend our own. The reason why a brother would stand up for his sister, the reason why a mother knows what her child needs even when the child cannot speak for himself. All this is ingrained in the DNA.

The only basic difference I can find between science and religion is this.

Science says, I have evidences now let's see what conclusions we can get outta them while Religion says, here are some conclusions, now what evidence can we find to support them? It’s just the way u interpret the whole thing.

And I admit there are a lot of things we cannot explain today. I would say it still can be explained scientifically but we are yet to evolve to understand them.

Finally arvi for everything u have a basis in science….. Not claiming to know even an iota abt finance but everything has a logic behind it.. if religion can be explained with science why not finance : P

which one is it?

Sometimes I hate growing up. I have a niece and a nephew, a couple of my good friends are married, one of them even has a kid. All this makes me feel am really old. Most of the girls in my age face the same issue, with almost everyone “so how much more days of freedom do you get?”.


Which brings us to the topic MARRIAGE. The age old debate arranged marriage or love marriage. Despite the fact that I belong to a typical tam bram family ive seen both the kinds in my family. One was joyously welcomed the other was grudgingly accepted.


My friend is going through this whole process of getting the right “marriage partner” and I find this whole process more structured and streamlined than applying for a job.

In a typical arranged marriage a lot of issues are considered. By typical I mean all the various equations like caste, culture, language, age, sub caste, family status, educational qualifications etc are considered. So basically you not only marry the other person but an entire family which is good in an overall view of things.


However one thing that I don’t understand is how on earth do you decide if you vibe with the other person in like wat a week? Yea I agree you get a lot more time after the engagement n all but you cant really go back and say ok this is not the right person for me. The family would freak out.


In this case i agree love marriages make sense, im talking about those wherein you have enough time to know the other person not the ones where there is apparently “love at first sight.” But being an all “bio” person I agree with the fact “everything comes down to hormones.” Like my good friend S pointed out in MOST love marriages it’s the physical attraction that causes the first contact and she feels arranged marriages make more sense coz u first bond intellectually.i agree.

So where do I stand?? Honestly I don’t really know. Its all confusing. Both have their pros and cons.Please leave your views.


Just one suggestion : can we match the horoscopes of the mother in law and daughter in law :P. it would probably save us all from the torture that is the serials..

those wonderful days...

:) bak after a long time… today being friendship day n all… I personally am against all these “days”.. they are just ways for our Baristas, CCDs, Archies to make business. Friendship day seems to make sense to me more than Mother’s day, Father’s day, Valentine’s day etc coz we have just one mom n dad n a true love to pay attention to and I think that should be done more than once a year. But you can never have enough friends right, and its almost impossible to keep in touch with everyone.

I hate those really senti so called poetry which go…. “ill be there with soup when ur sick, catch you if you fall, to help you out when you are in a depressed well, if ur upset ill be there to wipe your tears” here is my version …. Catch me if I fall not likely mostly coz ull end up falling with me coz im bigger than most of my friends :).. if my friends are depressed I will tell them horrible stories about how much worse it could be until they quit whining… and if your sick stay away from me I don wana catch wat u have.. if your upset well come on gives us both an excuse to eat more of DBCs..

I think on this day more than going out and having fun we should actually think about those wonderful times we have had with our friends. Whatever said and done it is your friend who often understands how u feel more than your family probably because of the same age nd the same peer pressure n all… plus its fun to remember those insane things that u did…

This year however in addition to all those wonderful memories I am thinking of some people with who u click so well n hope u never lose em as friends but something happens you never understand whose fault it is and we end up being ppl who are mere acquaintances n worse ppl who cannot even acknowledge each other.

Not to sound so depressing but yea comin bak to those fun times.. what is the one insane most stupid but awesome thing u ever did with ya friends?? Mine is the time when I was in my first yr of college when lik a gang of 6 of us in order to celebrate our passage from school to college, went out for a ride in the ECR at insane speeds (thank god im older n wiser) got caught in the heaviest of rains n without a care in the world ended up goin neck deep in water without a care in the world.. foolish ya.. but still makes me smile when I think of it :) im sure such memos are bound to make any of u smile :D…do leave comments on ur experiences..

constant ripples..

It's all so uncertain

trying to settle on unsteady water

constant ripples, changing futures

my life is like water ,flowing from place to place

and my intentions are diminished over time

they say you change,

its inevitable some lights will glow brighter than others.

My life is changing as am I in a million ways

the doors are staring me in the face

but I choose to see past them to the people

that have left me behind,

some--sneering in my face

and I try to no longer feel around them

or put my feelings on mute.

Nothing comes without consequence

so I push it all aside or stare it down,

eventually it fades out

and words lose their meaning

i try to wash the venom from my skin

while i try to heal

the scars become beautiful

suddenly I am something more

im someone who is fighting

whether i win or lose this battle

i atleast know tat i bothered to give it a try.

extended family

Any tam bram family would definitely have a ambi mama , a baby perippa and a nana athimber ( no particular reference to anyone) . And these people are set to make the life of the nextgen as difficult as possible. Despite their good intentions questions like "When are you planning on getting married?" "How much will u earn when u get a job?" "How well can you cook?" makes u dearly wish tat you had the powers to apparate. More importantly you dont really know the answers to those questions.

If you get into a conversation with a bonafide tam bram you will realise that in a tam bram family mathematics, physics and chemistry are not merely subjects in the school curriculum. It is a religion. Biology is allowed , but only if you are going to be a doctor. And the "tharaka manthiram" of every Tam Bram student is to master them and pave his way through the gates of an IIT, AIIMS, or atleast Anna university. If you are not particularly brilliant you are begrudgingly allowed to get yourself admitted into the local engineering colleges.

So when a decent scoring student like me decided to take up BSc there where hues and cries of "what is wrong with you?" " you will never get paid enough". I battled through but this was easier mainly because i am a girl. If any of you can point out a tam bram guy of this gen who is say a economist, historian, fashion designer id be suprised.

All these things always make me want to keep em at a distance.. Recently i had a change of perspective . Not tat ive lived long but barely escaping with your life intact makes you think. I am very expressive with word but not with emotions. Ive always liked to deal with anger, hurt or grief on my own. But my elder bro pointed out that it was not our "indian" way. And i realise he is perfectly rite..

They may yell at you, tease you to death, bore you with mundane details, but they are there the minute you need them.One thing that amazes is tat you dont even have to be directly related. Still they treat you like their own. My sister in law who i know for barely a year helped me as if i were her own sister.She and my brother made me realize that family is a circle where we learn to like ourselves ,where we learn to make good decisions. Most of all family is a place where we listen and are listened to....

love at first sight..

So am sitting at this coffee place n my friend M is spouting off about the love of her life.. she said it was "love at first sight" and that they were "made for each other". I would have understood "attraction at first sight" (to put it more delicately). But love??? really?? tat too when you are 21??? i am a cynic i agree but i think most of u would agree there can never be love at first sight.

But M protested.. She said she had all the signs.. "You get nervous, start to shake, heart beats faster, a heat wave passes through you making you blush or ears red & your blood starts to boil making it impossible to breathe." I fail to see how this indicates that she was in love.... This is just biochemistry. an upsurge of hormones really....

Basically the dopamine produces a feeling of bliss and the adrenaline produces the racing heart and excitement. So these two chemicals produce elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention.

Her argument is tat the fundamental mistake in denying the existence of love at first sight is the assumption that we cannot attribute to a person characteristics that are not present at first sight. Such attribution is done spontaneously by using certain stereotypical evaluations. But i say if going on stereotypical nature, love at first sight can often mislead as it is based more on imagination than on sight.

As far as am concerned love is something tat develops slowly... months ...years you never know..

Now if u said love at first sight for this... ill completly and totally agree .... :)




Im looking forward to your comments.. while we are on the subject.. with ppl falling for online romance ...love at first byte anyone??:P

NUMB

I heard tat the best way of healing is to deal with the pain. i know the blog i wrote is depressing but there you go.. another one.. before you deal with pain i personally feel we go thru a period of numbness. Here is somethin that was penned down when i was in this haze..

I feel it approaching
out of the deep dark alley
I see it first just as a straw in the hay
It is a silent threat, not heard only felt
Like the storm you see quietly but forcefully
dancing on the horizon.

When i look inside,

I find what i dint know i had

I find things that i have forgotten

I used to mend quite easily, not

Knowing that there was

more to the scars than healing.

Sometimes i wonder what’s worse
The sorrow, that empty hollow feeling,

What’s worse? the pain gnawing

Through your bones or the feeling of numbness

which seeps through your bones into those crevices

That you didn’t know you had.

Just remember never let it come so close
That you can feel the mist upon you
Because the second you don't realize
That is the second it grabs a hold on you.

Can it happen to you??

Sometimes we move through life without paying much attention to what is happening around us..The more we hear abougt pain , death, torture the more we become immune to such news. Im not trying to say we have become hard hearted, we have learnt not to let such issues bother us. There have been many instances in which i have blamed the victims for acting without common sense or being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

But when horrible things happen to you, you realise that at certain instances there is nothing you can do. You may think that wat you made was a good judgement call, you can think "i live in this protected bubble" no one is going to hurt me.. But at the end of the day you realise it is not in your hands. Things can change in a matter of few mins and the only thought that remains in your head is "Why me?". After you have time to process if not accept what happened you try to take a positive outlook and ask yourself "Why not me?"

Ya although am very well known about my pessimistic outlook one thing i believe in is you always get only what you can handle. So probably you would have been able to handle the situation better than someone else. More importantly one thing that i have learnt to do is face my fears.

Do things that would not only help you in the process of healing but also would prevent the same thing from happening to another. I am not some teenager who thinks we should do a "Yuva" or "Be a Rebel" but if you think you can do something to do something to protect either you or the people around you do it. However hard it is i think that would be the only way you can actually get over what happens to you. Lets please stop being so immune what is happening around us for you never know it can happen to you.

Sometimes men make better companions..

I was out yesterday with a few of my friends. i was supposed to meet them at Ispahani.. it was a mixed gang 5 gals and 4 guys.. general catch up talk over a cup of coffee. Although i love hanging out with my gal pals sometimes its much easier to talk it out with dudes.. here are those few rare moments :)

1. you can talk abt jargon like coverdrive, throttle speed, offside without the other person looking at you as though you are talking Greek or Latin

2. They can never spot those nanosized tiny wrinkles on your clothes so you are safe.

3. They carry the same wallet and use the same pair of shoes. So you don have to worry about them wondering if your clothes and your footwear match.

4. You dont have to walk slowly through the mall and look at those 101 shops when you are with em (which are extremely over pricey and your never gonna buy those stuff). So why bother?!!?

5. You can honestly say that they have tanned or gained weight, without the other guys asking you to be more sensitive.

6. You can actually mention names of those really good sportsmen who are not good looking and you dont get questions lik" wats the point if he is not even hot!!"

7. It is very easy to get them gifts.. your choice is very limited..T-Shirts, watches or wallets.

8. They have hairstyles which lasts for many years. So you can be safe from comments like "why dont you straighten your hair"

9. You can play games like FIFA on the comp without them wondering how you get that hand eye coordination.

10. You dont get questions like what is the big diff all cars and bikes seem the same to me :)

11. Finally my FAVOURITE.. The icing on the cake :) If you are a gal you always can make em agree to what you want.. :P

Is it chauvinism or chivalry??

“Oh God! He was a total and complete MCP” declared P. Curious I wanted to know who she was so mad at. And then she declares “Most men are MCPs.. They are a breed of pompous opinionated brats!”. Which I do not agree with but this conversation set my brain in motion.

This is not an isolated incident.. I know a lot of women who call all the men they hate as MCPs.. So intrigued I asked people their definition of an MCP..

Most people came up with the fact tat an MCP is a person who has a problem accepting the capabilities of a woman, her ability to outshine her colleagues who are often men. I am not sayin I am for men who domineer over women. But sometimes this term has been used very loosely (for the want of a better word). Many of my friends mistake chivalry for chauvinism. They call men who open car doors or pull up chairs as chauvinists.

Some of them were happy to point out tat they do not want chivalry in men. They want to be treated as an equal. If so I have a couple of questions for you people. If you say you are equal to men in all ways then y dedicate a separate day for women? Do you have an equivalent men’s day? If you do not expect chivalry then why do you expect them to foot the tab every time you go out with a guy? If he doesn’t foot the bill all by himself he is called a loser..

Another observation.. I agree there are a lot of male chauvinists but don’t we have female equivalents? Logically, FCP! Female Chauvinistic Pig! But just to offer a variety, FCS? Female Chauvinistic Swine? LOL!!!

Now my friends let the comments begin. The ball is in your court; or should I say, the pig is in your sty :P

Travel in 5B

"im afraid we have to go home by bus!!" declared my friend D. We had just been to the kabalishwarar temple in mylapore and her car wouldn't start. It was around 5 45 pm and there was a huge crowd at the bus stop.

"it looks like its going to rain" I said. She just raised an eyebrow. "We can always take an auto" I helpfully added. "High maintenance" was the reply.

She turned to me and said "just because you are going to travel in a public transport does not mean that you are going to be mauled brutally and killed or something"..

After having heard tat I had no chance but to embark on this dangerous journey. A huge bus (5B) came to a screeching halt and I could scarcely conceal a shudder when I saw the crowd packed inside. "See you later", I said in what I hoped was a cheerful tone.

I was plunging in through a sea of people, when a stout lady plummeted some (probably 100 kg) of her weight against me and made her way in with undaunted enthusiasm. While I was doing gymnastics on the footboard the bus moved. My only thought at that moment, to make my way inside and I would be eternally grateful to all the gods of the world.

I passed the money for the ticket and it went from hand to hand …….. I knew I had to be patient and wait like maybe 500 years! Finally there it was that little green piece of sheet. As I stretched out my hand to grab it a shrill piercing voice in my ears "eeeekkk!! U stepped on my toes.. Probably injured me for life!!"… as I tried to wriggle myself out of there. I heard the voice go "you did it again!"….

Good grief! Through a confused blur I found myself losing my balance… it was the vegetable vendor who peered at me worriedly and asked "you dint land on anything did you!" Touched by her concern I said "no just the floor!" "Thank goodness.. Otherwise the tomatoes would have been crushed!" was the reply….

Grrrhhh!!! Someone taps me on the shoulder and asks me to pass a piece of paper to the girl standing in front of me.. turns out it is a love letter. The girl looks at me and says " you don't have to do courier service for thugs!". A small kid starts wailing in my ear. I revealed my charming 32 in a vicious snarl and the mother beams back at me.

Another eternity later I hopped out of the bus and it didn't take me long to realize I got down in the previous stop. When I reached home all battered and bruised, I felt a wave of pity for divya Visions of D painfully tormented in the bus haunted me. I called her up.

"Hi!" said a sinfully cheerful voice. "Guess what! After you left my manni happened to come by and she dropped me home in 5 mins. Great huh!"

"You… what?. I thought u liked to travel by bus!!!" I yelled.

"Oh! I don think I would have made it. Unlike you I am very delicate you know, and am hardly used to that sort of thing" was the reply.

Grrrrrr!!!! Some people do lead charming lives..

IYER MAMIES..BEST MEGA SERIAL SCRIPT WRITERS..

After being pestered by most of my friends to start blogging… I thought this time I should really give it a serious try…

All of us hear abt the world shrinking.. And tat the entire world is one big happy family..and how with once incident ppl make a mega serial.. i never realised this until this very unfortunate incident happened to one of my friends….

First the background: R was at kabali temple with a frnd ( who is not a gal btw).. and yea was spotted by three nosy mamies..

nosy mami 1: ahh isnt that S’s daughter?

nosy mami 2: ama ama.. avale than.... etho payyan oda suthiduruka.. enaku ava perimma va nanna theriyum.. kelvi patta romba kashta paduva..( mm for the benefit of those who cant understand my tanglish will stick to englipish)
nosy mami 3: mayb her classmate or somethin.. lets not make a big deal out of this.. coz of us there shouldnt b any prob in her family..
nosy mami 1 and 2 nod in agreement at this apparent piece of wisdom.. R on the other hand.. happily chattin away without the knowledge of the scotland yard on her bak...

now nosy mami 3 goes to her native and meets my frnds mom's classmate..
nosy mami 3: i saw ur frnd's daughter.. the other day in the temple.. how chamathu S was ella? ana ava ponnu ponnu cha cha.. going around the city with some guy... i saw her in the temple.. holding hands with one guy.. romba mosam....
frnd: aiyoo... S ka epidi nadakanum.. cha entha kalathu ponnunga...

and wont u know.. her mami who lives in the same native runs into this frnd in the temple..
frnd: S ponnu pathi ennalamo kelvi patten.. romba oru sutharalam.. beach cinema and temple lan poralam.. ethellam entha age la common.. first eh pesi cut pannidanum.. nan en payanuku kekalam nenachen ( good riddance... y would she want to marry a guy from some village is beyond me..)
mami: apdiya.. eppove poi pesaren nan..

immediate phone to madras...
mami: un ponnu panrathu nalla ella.. whole family manam podhu.... cha cha... yaru lamo vanthu kekaranga... etho payanoda sutharalam.. yaro pathangalam bike la lam poralam enna ethu..
amma: oh manni apidiya? nan pesaren ava kita..

now is where she comes home…. She walks in to the house.. after havin gone grocery shoppin… her appa and amma at the table.. Looking extremely grim.. her lil bro asked to go to his room
appa: yaru avan? ooru suthariyan? lov nu ethavutha? padikariya ellaya? u have disappointed me.. ( blah blah dad usual speech)
amma: enna panuven nan.. how will i face the rest of the family... ( same mage serial amma sentiment)...

she had to calm them down.. explain that she did not go on a bike.. or to a movie or cinema.. only to the temple.. with a frnd.. ( with over stress) then had to retrack how this whole issue came up..and found out how the story is blown out of proportion

moral of the story : do not go to the temple with a guy as the iyer mamis are better than police dogs....